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My first official post of the new year! I wish I could say I had a slew of New Years resolutions I wanted to share, but the truth is I don't. This year, I've decided to take a different approach. Instead of creating a list of tasks I hope to accomplish but will most likely forget about in a few months, I've decided to instead make a list of awesome things I've accomplished this new year, as they happen, then share them all at the end of the year. This way, I don't feel like a disappointment to myself and I don't restrict the changes in my life to a list of things I feel I want to accomplish right now.

I do however, want to take time to look back on 2012.
Without a doubt, it was a very tough year in which I spent a lot of time doing some difficult soul searching and evaluations on my life. I was harder on myself than I had ever been before. Fortunately, a lot of good came from it and I can say without a doubt that the Zia that existed in 2011 is long gone, and in her place stands a stronger, more confident woman proud of the steps she's taken and the path she's continuing down. Now stands a woman who doesn't fake confidence, but exudes it.

A while ago, I went out for some beer and a nabe meal with a friend of a friend I was meeting for the first time. "I can see why he likes you," she had told me,"He said you have this aura, this...I don't know. Something. That just calms the world." I don't know how true that is at the moment, but it's one step closer to who I want to become--a person who owns the room without even being in it. I want to be memorable.

Part of that plan to become memorable involved changing my appearance and health--something I've discussed often throughout my journal. This year, I managed to drop to my lightest weight (57kg) ever through healthy eating and routine exercise.

I'm not yet where I'd like to be (That still involves losing another 7kg!) but I'm definitely more confident that I can accomplish what I want to within the upcoming year.

2013, I'll really have to settle down and focus on work, but 2012 was definitely a year of travelling. I took a road trip which led me across the US, allowing me to visit a total of 16 states. I spent a week in New York with an old friend I never thought I'd become this close to. I made two small trips back to Japan before making my permanent return in December, but before that, I stopped by Korea and Thailand for a quick visit!

It was also an interesting year, emotionally. I was able to meet up with my one true best friend from my high school days for the first time in years and start a new friendship with an old classmate I had sometimes chatted with but never really got to know. My relationship with my brother strengthened and the left-for-dead relationship my sister and I had was suddenly revived with the birth of her daughter. Many new and exciting people have entered my life (I'll be writing more about these people soon!) but unfortunately, I had to say good-bye to a few I thought I'd never be able to part with--the most regrettable one being the infamous Mugen*
I had been extremely fond of him and willing to start a committed relationship. I waited patiently for him thinking he'd be the one to make me happy. But as we sat next to each other in a small shop, discussing our lives over a warm Korean meal, I realized that while I had changed so much, he had stayed the same and our priorities were now very different, meaning I'd have to wait a lot longer if I wanted something to happen. That wasn't something I was willing to do, and so, I plunged back in to the dating scene.

But I didn't stay there long ;)

A BIT MORE ABOUT 2012!!!

ARTISTS THAT RULED MY 2012:

NOVELIST THAT RULED MY 2012:

RED was my color of the year!

Found out I needed a serious SURGERY I can't afford because I blew all my money travelling.

Learned to COOK.
My vision changed. Now I rarely use my glasses.
Fell in love with: OGURI SHUN& HIROSHI TAMAKI

FAVORITE FOOD: OKONOMIYAKI
FAVORITE FRUIT: ORANGES
FAVORITE DRINK: GREEN TEA & COCOA!!

Also got a new phone (Samsung Galaxy IIIS).

2012 will be quite a memorable year, and a difficult one to top, but lets see what this new year brings!

Hair pulled back in to a high pony tail, over-sized military jacket and large sunglasses. My friends think I'm attempting a new style and praise me for finally stepping out of my shell and being a bit bolder with my fashion sense."You're looking great!" In reality however, I'm just trying to hide the fact that this flu is kicking my ass and that I look and feel like crap. My eyes are poofy, skin pale, and I'm short of breath. But I'll take your compliments over reality any day, friends.

Speaking of reality, the other day, I took a trip to Odaiba(お台場) with some friends to see the fireworks. It was the last day of the event, so there had been quite a crowd, but it had been enjoyable none-the-less

Our group consisted of me, Kaz, his friend Sho, and Sha-chan, a mutual friend of ours. I'd been the only one who had actually ever been to Odaiba, so we chose to meet up a little earlier to explore before settling down for the fireworks display. The first thing we did was something Sha-chan had been dying to do--ride the Ferris Wheel.

Kaz, who dislikes heights, immediately began comparing it to the HULK ride Sho and I had forced him to ride back at Universal studios, shaking his head and saying "Akan, akan!" But very much like with the HULK ride, he ended up getting on it anyway, and we all had a grand time. The view from the top had been amazing!

After that, we decided to go look at the car show, and by that I mean my friends walked around looking at all the cars while I sat on a bench and played with my phone. I really have no interest in cars unless they are sexy ones on the road, engines revving(funny story about this to come later!). From where I was sitting, I spotted a giant One Piece moon bounce on the floor below. I'd grown used to seeing One Piece items promoting the new movie everywhere I looked. I learned to drown out commercials, look past pictures, stay out of exhibits, and glance over the cutesy characters dressed on the street. This moon-bounce however....oh, how I wanted to just jump in and bounce the day away! It was so beautiful, somehow.

Unfortunately, it was restricted to only kids below 12 years old. Boo on you Japan, boo on you!

My disappointment turned to happiness however, when my friends magically appeared, informing me it was time for fireworks, and though I was dreading the cold, I happily went off after them! The fireworks took place over Rainbow Bridge, so we watched from out on the deck. They were impressive, filled with a wide variety of colors and many interesting shapes such as hearts and flowers. I wonder how much time went in to practicing for this...

The evening continued with a surprise trip to a small shop in Shinagawa(品川) for amazing sashimi(刺身), since everyone knew how much I loved the stuff. Next to our table, there was some kind of group party going on with late-aged people laughing and singing loudly. It had been annoying at first but then somehow, it became quite relaxing. I hope that I can be as fun when I'm in my late 40's

It was such a fun evening that didn't end as soon as we parted ways. Once I got back to my flat that night, I enjoyed some chocolates Kaz gave me from Kobe(神戸). They were amazing!

Current Location: 小竹向原

お久しぶりでーす♯♪

I don't know if it's the weather, the fact that I've been eating a little more than usual, or a combination of both, but I've been feeling extremely fatigued lately. On top of that, I think I'm coming down with a cold. Ugh. I rarely get sick, but when I do it, I do it well.

Anyway,I went to Tsukishima(月島) with my brother from another mother...Taki* for the first time in months, to eat some Okonomiyaki(お好み焼き) and meet up with two of his friends from school. There were moments where I felt a little out of place, no longer being a student as I listened to them talk about job hunting and the like, but aside from that, everyone was really nice and funny

I'm not sure how he managed to do it, but Taki's first okonomiyaki turned in to pizza. It was delicious but...how the heck he managed...
His second one tasted great even though it wasn't so visually appealing. It was his friends who seemed to have a skillful hand at cooking.....except when it came to monjayaki(もんじゃ焼き). I wish I would have been stuck sitting across from him so I could eat his cooking instead! hehe.

Total, we had three okonomiyaki and one monjayaki. Including drinks, I'm sure we ran up a bit of a tab, but no one let me pay anything!

(Taki's friend with a god-hand for making okonomiyaki...BUT I don't think anyone can skillfully make Monjayaki)

(Yuuuum. This eventually magically turned in to a pizza

Even though we split all the food and walked for a bit to get to the station, I was so full that I barely had any energy to take a shower once we got back to his house. That's how you know you had a good time. When you're all gross, but too exhausted to care. But I somehow managed to get in a quick 10 minute shower, since Taki was letting me borrow his room and I didn't want it to get all icky. I was so grateful he'd be sleeping in another room instead of being like many other guys I know and suggesting "Why don't we just share the bed?"

Current Location: 小竹向原

I used to be the type of girl who never left her flat unless her earbuds were securely in place and the music was blaring at a level loud enough to drown out the sounds of the world without blowing out my ear drums. That all changed when I got my new phone. I haven't yet been bothered enough to transfer all my music to my new phone, so whenever I go out, I have nothing to listen to aside from the sounds of the city around me. Stations are pretty noisy, filled with the chatter chatter of loud and annoying school girls going this way and that, salary men discussing work, and train announcements, but the sounds of the city at night are unexpectedly soothing.

(白金高輪Shirogane Takanawa)

I've fallen in love with Tokyo all over again and I regret not having experienced more of it when I lived here as a student. I guess when you live somewhere, you don't really think to do touristy things. I don't want to have the same regret about Osaka, so as soon as I get home, I'm tossing on my knee-high tube socks and fanny pack and heading out to explore the "right way," and until I return to Osaka, I plan on exploring Tokyo in the same way (though necessarily not the same fashion!)

In a a couple of days, I'll be jumping over to Magome(馬込) to stay with a friend and his family. I'm really looking forward to it since the last time I did a "home stay" was almost three years ago when I first moved to Japan, and even then, it was a small, three member family. I've never stayed with a five-member family, and it'll be interesting to see how they compare to mine!

Speaking of compare....

I had originally left Japan because things were getting out of control for me. After moving to Osaka to be with Take, things were great for a while, but things slowly started to go down hill. I had begun letting myself go because since "I already had a guy, there was no need to keep in shape." I gained back not only the weight I had lost, but an additional 2kilos (about four pounds), cut my hair off. and basically did nothing when I should have been job hunting. We'd fight about it constantly. He wanted to move in to a more serious relationship but I was too busy trying to cheat through my school work. Eventually, I did get disgusted with myself and found a part time job to help out around the apartment and pay for studies until I graduated. And it was some time after I graduated that I decided I needed to go home and really think things over, decide where I wanted my life to go.

Before heading back, I returned to Tokyo to say good-bye to a lot of my friends. This is one of the last pictures taken of me before my return to the US at the beginning of the year.

And this is the me that returned to Tokyo. Reading back on some of my entries, I feel like I've been a bit hard on myself. If I would have just looked myself in comparison to where I was instead of where I wanted to be, I'd realize that I've done--not to sound cocky--a great job. In 330 days, I was able to transform myself in to a slightly better person than I once was. There is still a lot of emotional work as well as physical work that needs to be done, but I'm not going to consider myself a failure any more.

(Face covered because my mom had caught me with food in my mouth! lol)

I feel like I really want to stay in Tokyo instead of making a jump back to Osaka, even though I'm basically already settled there. A lot of my friends are telling me to make the jump to Tokyo--that they'd help me out however they can. I'm worried though that that "Help you out however I can" will turn in to basically taking care of me, and that I'll slip in to my old ways.... but it's still something I'm considering. The next few weeks will have a big influence on whether or not I decide to move back to Tokyo. I feel like in Tokyo all I'd be able to do is teach English. I have a degree in business. I'd like to put that to use and in Osaka, I can do that. As much as I love my friends here, I can't just jump over for their sake. Now, I really do need to start thinking about my future.

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Location: 緑園都市

December. Four weeks. Four different guys. My life in Osaka is pretty ordinary. I have fun with my friends, but nothing amazing ever takes place. Yet every time I set foot in Tokyo, I find myself involved in a series of love triangles or being completely swept off my feet by a random stranger. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't already completely absorbed in someone, however that someone doesn't seem to be at a point in his life where he wants to commit 100% to a relationship. He wants all the benefits and rights, but not the titles or the exclusiveness. For a while I was okay with it. I was okay just being with him. But now I'm not. The clock is ticking and though I'm not desperate to find a new love, I realize that I simply can't just sit by and wait for Mugen* to come around any more.

So here we are, four guys, all very different in their own rights, in four weeks. But one is already standing out above the rest and I'm looking extremely forward to our date. Not only is he handsome and tall (180cm, wow!), but he's settled in his own place and has a steady job. He's already decided who he is, what he enjoys and what he wants. He knows how to have fun, yet he's somehow very calming. On top of that, he does exactly what Mugen* seems to have difficulty doing--he supports my goals and dreams. I'm not as infatuated with him as I was with Mugen* but I can easily see myself learning to love him.

I left the details of our date to him and it seems like he'll be treating me to dinner and illumination watching in Shinjuku. I'm still trying to convince him to take me dancing in the end!

(Pictures from two years ago)

The last time I was here was with one of my best friends, Michaela. We sat for a long while watching all the couples since neither of us could be with our significant others. This time I'll have my chance to join those happy couples! Mugen* has some serious competition. I wonder if he even knows. With it nearing the end of the year, he's extremely busy at work. He's asked me three times now when I'm free, and though I've told him each time, he's yet to pick the days we'll meet. The boy better hurry himeself up.

Current Location: 緑園都市

Like many others, I finally got a Samsung Galaxy III this week and I have to say that I am completely in love with it. Up until this week, I was still using the iPhone 3GS and was constantly being teased for it, so it's nice to finally "be in the loop." Transferring all my stuff from one phone to the other has been a bit of a pain though...

Anyway.....

One of my favorite things about winter has to be Nabe! I met up with H and two of his college buddies at Ueno, where we really just walked around for a long time before going to grab dinner. Hanging out with H and his friends hadn't been all that great but the warm meal at the end definitely made up for everything that had happened that day!

I have two more Nabe parties lined up. Honestly, I wouldn't mind eating this for the rest of my life!

I've been heavily conditioning my hair these days. I wake up, add conditioner, put on a heat cap, then toss on a wig so that I can leave the conditioner in as long as possible. Pretty soon, I'll have to chemically straighten my hair again, so I'm trying to strengthen my hair as much as possible until then. Surprisingly, a lot of people don't even realize I'm wearing a wig. I've also had people ask me what brand of fake eye-lashes I use, but in reality, I don't use fake lashes at all. Mine are just naturally long and thick.

Less than a month until I meet up with my sempai and old classmates in Yokohama, so I'm really thinking about what kind of image I want to meet them in. I was known for being the always-on-the-move-party girl who mostly associated with those of the B系 fashion style. I still want to maintain that image but I want to do it in a way that still shoes I've matured. Basically, I'm swapping in the American "thug-style" I used to wear back then for a more...taylored B系 image. And so far, my absolute musts are:

Tagged collage

What kind of style do you follow? Have you changed your style recently?

It seems like lately all I think about is fashion. That's because for the first time in a long time, even though I don't feel 100% pleased with the way I look now, I don't feel like I'm hideous. I'm finally starting to understand what does and doesn't suit me, and what kind of person I want to become. They say looks aren't everything, but I think we can all agree that looks play an important part in how we're treated and what doors open for us.

Which leads to my next announcement:

I received two meishi over the past couple of days. One from a man who works for a project managment company in Tokyo, and the other from a man who works for a publishing company in Yokohama. Both told me to contact them if I ever considered making the move from Kansai to Kantou. I'll try to visit both companies next month.

First, congratulations to my sister on finally giving birth to a beautiful baby girl! My parents are really excited about finally having a grandchild, though they are not so excited about being considered "grand-" in this case, hehe. Our almost non-existant relationship aside, I wish my sister and her new family all the luck in the world.

Lately, I've been busying myself with this and that. With only about a month left until I have to go back to work, I've been trying to get myself used to being on a set schedule again, and it sure isn't easy! I start my day at around six in the morning and end it at around midnight. I've purposely locked myself out of my bank account to keep myself from going on any more wild adventures for a while. I spend my days studying random things to keep my mind sharp, cleaning, and sewing clothes to make them fit again (and let me tell you, sewing by hand is not easy!) Occasionally though, I do take a small side trip to relieve my stress!

This time, it was a somewhat healthy Asian-meal and an acrobatics show!

Seeing shows like this always make me hate myself because then I think "Darn it! Why can't I do stuff like that!!!??"

女性にとって、綺麗な靴は必要な物です。綺麗な靴は綺麗な所へ連れて行ってくれる.
For women, beautiful shoes are a necessity. They say beautiful shoes take you to beautiful places.

I recently traded up my white flats for a pair of black booties I bought when I went to New York with Ryo. They had been an impulse buy and with 11cm heels, I was sure I'd never wear them....but I've been breaking them in this week and I am absolutely in love with them. 174cm Zia get's a lot more attention and discounts than 163cm Zia, and I feel a lot more confident. Lol. In this past week alone, I've been asked out three times, gotten so many free snacks when I enter sweets shops, and have gotten $40.00 worth of free make up samples.

White shoes => shoes

Unfortunately, M doesn't support any of the changes I've been making. It's like the better I become, the more distant he gets. It's like he wanted someone average with average skills and appearances to be totally dependent on him... I wonder if this was why my other friends didn't like him from the start? He does't hinder me from doing as I like, but he doesn't support me either. I'm worried that it'll eventually come to a point where I'll have to choose between him and my own happiness.

Maybe I need to hold off on relationships until I'm completely happy with myself?

I spoke with a nutritionist today to try and find a balance between the calcium rich diet I need to follow until I can have my surgery, and my low dairy diet I'm trying to follow to lose weight. Luckily, we were able to find a good balance, but he suggested I keep a food journal that measures the calcium amounts in all I eat. I figured I could keep track of calories as well. While I was shopping online for a cute journal to use, I stumbled across this page. I know several people on my friends list are also trying to lose weight, so I decided to share it =) Clicking on the picture will take you to a bigger version.

So here we go. One month left to drop 5kg! Okay, I know that 5kg in one month is impossible, so my goal is actually only 2kg for now. I'll worry about the rest of the weight when I get back home.

and as I type this, I get a text from my mom:

My sister is having her baby!

Happy November!

First!
I saw that a lot of my friends are jumping over to Dreamwidth because of LJ's new friends page change. I don't plan on jumping ship just yet, but I did go ahead and set up my DW accout. If you plan on completely moving to Dreamwidth, PLEASE let me know, so I can start cross-posting. While I was at it, I went ahead and re-did my Livejournal layout as well!

My Dreamwidth Account: Please click image to open account! My New Livejournal Layout!

Second!
I finally accepted that until I can get the funds together for that surgical procedure I need, I'm going to have to not only cut back on things I wanted, but also things I don't immediately need. I got the grocery shopping done today, and didn't buy a single bit of junk food! The bill went down close to $30.00. Imagine that!

On top of that, I'm considering trying a protein diet I keep seeing every time I log in to ミクシィ. I'm usually rather indifferent to these ads because they usually feature women that are already like 50kg who are trying to lose 5 more kg. Basically, skinny people trying to be more skinny, and these ads usually offer to do it in about two weeks.

I'm not that foolish.

However, this ad promotes a series of protein shakes AND explains the diet plan used to lose 10kg in a month, and after roaming the site quite a few times, it doesn't seem to unreasonable. Despite the fact that I exercise six days a week, my eating habits are rather sloppy, and this diet is meant to help you cut calories and help you get used to eating less without starving yourself. It also forces you to think about what you eat, since you are substituting the shake for certain meals, so you make sure the meal you eat is amazingly delicious.... which is the one thing that kills me about American advertisements that I see about weightloss.

Those commericals always have women who say "I didn't even have to think about what I was eating. I just signed up, completed the survey and they'd send me the food every month..blah blah.." If you aren't aware of what you are eating, you might lose the weight, but you will not keep it off!

I feel like a protein diet is more successful because not only is it a physical struggle, but an emotional struggle. You become aware of what you've been doing, what you haven't been doing. You learn to change.

I only need to lose 5 more kg, so my dieting doesn't have to be as extreme as what these two did, but yeah, I'm definitely a bit curious.

Have you ever tried a special diet program? What's your take on them? Have you ever fallen victim to a "fad diet" such as the bananna diet?

And on a completely unrelated note, I'm sharing this here:

Despite the reward, not a single person has come forward with information. Her car was found abandoned, but it didn't offer any clues as to where she might have gone or been taken to. Absolutely zero clues. The only way to actually get out of Sitka if you don't own your own boat is to take a plane or catch the ferry. No one has reported seeing her. It's as though she's vanished in to thin air. Sitka also heavily depends on tourism. There are a lot of "outsiders" going in and out. I post this here in the off chance that she was taken by someone who did have means of getting off the island. In that case she could be between any Alaskan Island, Canada or Washington.

Sitka is such a small place where everyone knows everyone. Things like this just don't happen. Close to 3 weeks missing. 3 weeks of friends, family and police heading spending the day searching and searching...and not.a.single.clue.

My birthday was pleasantly simple and relaxing. I enjoyed it very much. Instead of getting presents, I asked people to save their money for a moment when I needed something. Everyone was surprised I didn't want to be showered in gifts, but you know, I have everything I want and need at the moment. Why be greedy?

Anyway, So, why am I sad? I had an appointment today and it turns out I'm going to need surgery. My blood is infected with a bacteria that is slowly eating at my bones. The surgery can't repair the damage already done, but it will kill the bacteria. It requires three treatments and the entire process costs about $2,000, which isn't in my budget right now. The seriousness of the situation didn't hit me until I was shown my X-rays, and honestly, I'm a bit scared.

Not to mention, angry. Things were finally moving in the direction I wanted and this gets thrown at me? Just yesterday I made a huge declaration on facebook about how I was going to many this year--my 24th year--my best and happiest year, about how I would accomplish all my goals and become someone I can be proud of, and now I get this giant kick in the face. Of course, I can still work hard and do what I'd like to do, but appointments and treatments and Specialist meetings are only going to delay things.

NOW THAT THE NEGATIVITY IS OUT OF MY SYSTEM...!!
~~Because I'm definitely going to kick this thing in the ass, so I don't want to stress over it too much.~~

I'm looking forward to being in Tokyo again, even if it's only for a short time. I love my Osaka life, but I've missed my Tokyo friends dearly. Part of me is really thinking about moving over to Tokyo, permanently. I mean, I have my Osaka friends and I love them, but I have better relationships with my Tokyo folk. Yeeees, I can take the bus or the shinkansen to see them, but week after week? It starts adding up....

A lot of my friends that had gone abroad to study are returning to Japan, so we plan on having one big happy reuinion. Some are Osaka bound, while others are Tokyo bound, so we might all meet up in Shizuoka, since it's the middle ground. Not 100% sure yet, but looking forward to it.

I don't know if I've lost weight since I don't have a scale anymore, but I'm definitely looking more trimmed! I've had to abandon a lot of my remaining clothes and start wearing the clothes my younger sister left behind. So I'm wearing...hand me ups? I only want to take a few things from here, so I hope all my old things still fit!

I know Japan is considerably safe, but I still tend to snicker whenever I hear someone say it's the safest country in the world. Some years ago, I spent some time working in Alaska as a night shift manager, so I always had my share of weirdos approaching me for a date or waiting for me when I got off work at 1 am. However, there had always been someone there who saw how uncomfortable I was--someone who always helped me out.

One morning, I was walking to Hibarigaoka station, on my way to Ikebukuro.

Students walked down the roads and shops opened. It was a noisy morning just like any other. A black van drove next to me, slowly, keeping pace with me. I assumed that it was going that slow because of all the people on the roads, and so, I simply ignored it and kept walking. Together, the van and I rounded a corner together, and a man in his late twenties, early thirties spoke to me from the van. "You're pretty," he told me, to which I pressed my lips together, looked the other way and kept walking. I figured he'd leave me alone if he assumed I didn't speak Japanese. Rounding another corner, he continued "Where are you from?" Once again, I ignored him.

He continued driving next to me, trying to make conversation as I walked. We got closer to the station and were forced to stop at a train crossing to let a train pass. "Do you understand Japanese?" He asked me from the car, "Do you know what I'm saying? Where are you from? Do you want a ride to the station? I'll give you a ride. Come on."

At this point, I was looking around, feeling eyes on me. People were glancing and yet no one said anything, not even the police officer that was standing just outside the police box next to where we were, so I continued to ignore him. The train passed and I hurried across, taking advantage of the fact that he had to drive slower because of the crowd of people crossing. I turned the corner and entered a convenience store. Even though I waited there for 5 minutes, when I exited, the car was driving around just outside! I was able to just duck in to the station and catch my train.

However, it still sticks in my head that no one said or did anything when I was obviously uncomfortable.

I wasn't expecting anyone to swoop in and save me. It's just not the Japanese way. However, I can't say that Japan is the safest place because of this experience. When strangers approach me in the US, I feel far safer than when strangers approach me in Japan.

So what brought this on? A friend of mine invited me to go to the Poconos in December, but because I'll be back in Japan by then, I had to decline the offer. When I told her this, she made a comment about how I was lucky to be going back to the greatest place in the world. I expressed my happiness over going home, but also expressed my dislike about staying in Ikebukuro again while visiting Tokyo before heading back to Osaka. She nagged at me for being spoiled, and so I told her this story to explain why I felt the way I did.

I guess my story was wasted on her though, because all she said in reply was: Well, you were probably wearing something that said you wanted him to follow you.

Oh, ok.

Anyway, as I told her, I'll be staying in Ikebukuro again until I head back to Osaka. I'm not sure if I'll be staying in Hibarakigaoka again though. My friend made it clear that I'm always welcomed, but I don't like the idea of staying alone with guys anymore. We'll see. I don't want to do anything that, you know, makes someone think I'm leading them on.

読んでくれて、ありがとうございました！

♥♡Zia♡♥

We took a trip to a Spanish-style garden, where they had this gorgeous bell tower. It's a shame we didn't think to pack a bentou because the weather was just perfect for a picnic! We spent the day walking around the garden, feeding fish and chasing squirrels. It would have been nice to go in to the tower, but it turns out you have to have a kind of membership in order to enter, and the membership was too expensive, so we just enjoyed it from the outside. Every half-hour, the bells would ring and play a different Christmas melody. It was quite cute!

It was built by the Dutch sometime during the 1920's in honor of the guy who had wanted to create the park in the first place.

M and I had our first major issue, which involved me just walking away for almost two hours and not talking to him for some time after that. When I did finally talk to tell him why I had gotten angry, he only snickered and said "Oh okay," which made me mad all over again.....

Sometimes it's like talking to a wall, honestly.

A friend of mine who is very in to gyaru, gave me a reddish-brownish wig as an early birthday present. Before we went out today, I put it on for her so she could see how it turned out and I was surprised at the difference. It really made me miss having chemically straightened hair as opposed to this wavy mess I now have. When my hair is straightened, it actually looks very much like the wig, give or take a few inches. Anyway, I think I'll be taking the wig and wearing it around Tokyo during my last few weeks of freedom before I before I begin working! Unless I start straightening my hair on a daily basis again.... I don't really want to do that though because I don't want to damage my hair. I need it to grow out so that my waves aren't so poofy....

Speaking of birthdays, mine is less than 10 days away and I've finally decided that I really don't want to do anything. I won't even buy myself a gift. Instead I'm going to save the money for my trip to Kawagoe (川越市) in Saitama.

I had gone once before, but at the time, I couldn't appreciate how beautiful historical settings were. I love going to places that make me feel like I've stepped back in time. I'd rather spoil myself in Kawagoe than spoil myself here =) I wonder if it's as nice as everyone says.

読んでくれて、ありがとうございました！

♥♡Zia♡♥

I was packing my suitcase and I found my old camera! Back in March, I accidently got some sand in to the lense and the camera stopped working, but yesterday, I went to turn it on for old time's sake, and it worked! It's already an old 12 mega-pixel camera, but I've had so many adventures with it that I feel I can't just throw it away so easily.

スーツケースを荷造りしていた時、７ヶ月前に壊れちゃったカメラを見付けました！さっき、友達と海へ行って、カメラも持っていきました。砂がレーンズに入っちゃって、カメラが使えなくなりました。そのカメラを使うのはちょっと懐かしかったから、オンのボタンを押してみると、何気にカメラが付きました！！びっくりして、嬉しかったです！実は、このカメラはもう古いのです。１２メガピクセルしかないんですけど・・・・このカメラと色々な冒険があったし、簡単に捨てる物じゃない。

But....I've also been eyeing a certain Nikon camera for a while now, but it's still 45000円 and only 10 megapixels, which is less than what my camera now is... But this camera is still a best seller, so despite the low MPX it must be good.... Maybe when I finally reach my goal weight, I'll buy this for myself!

でも、そうは言っても、新しいカメラを購入したいと思います。しかし、気に入ったカメラのメガピクセルは今のカメラのより低くて、値段はまだ高過ぎています。今のカメラは１２メガピクセルで、値段は１６０００円ぐらいでした。好きになったカメラは１０メガピクセルで、４５５００円ぐらいです。それなのに、そのカメラはベストセラーですよ。とりあえず、購入しない方が良いと思っています。たぶん、もっと痩せたら、自分にプレゼントします！

☆★★☆

I went to a haunted house event with my friend and it was really fun! I screamed alot, my throat started hurting and now I've lost my voice but I feel satisfied, lol. We didn't have time to go in to all six houses, but the three that we went to were fairly scary, so we didn't mind that we didn't get to see everything. I had wanted to take a lot of pictures, but I was always running from some kind of zombie or monster, so I couldn't really take any pictures (Unless you include all the blurs and finger shots! lol)

友達と一緒にお化け屋敷へ行って来て、すごく楽しかったです！悲鳴を上げ過ぎて、喉が痛く、声が出せないんですけど、満足な気持ちがあります（笑）　全部の６軒のお化け屋敷に入るには時間が足りませんでした。でも、３軒の入った場所はかなり怖かったので、全部のお化け屋敷に入られなくても気になりません。たくさん写真を撮りたかったけど、いつもお化けから逃げていたし、写真が撮れませんでした（笑）

Before the event started, we got to preview the Christmas event. The event starts next month and lasts until December, so I probably have time to visit it before I go back to Japan soon!

そのイベントが始まる前、クリスマスのイベントを予告篇できました！イベントは来月の２０日から１２月２２日までです。来月始まるから、日本に戻る前に、イベントへ行く時間があるかもしれません！

読んでくれて、ありがとうございました！

♥♡Zia♡♥

There are so many things to write about but no time to do it in. It's already October and I still have to write about events from September

M and I headed to Orlando to see THE BLUE MAN GROUP

. I've been wanting to see this show for a while, so I'm really happy we were finally able to catch it

We also ended up upgrading our tickets so that we could have a chance to meet the performers

The show was only about two hours long, but it was insanely fun

If given the chance, I would definitely go see it again

色々な出来事について書きたいんですが、時間が足りません！もう10月ですが、すべての9月に起きた出来事について書かなくちゃ。

Mさんと一緒にオーランドへ行って、ブルマングループのパフォーマンスを見に行きました。本当のところ、前からこの演奏を観たかったから、やっと、観ることができて本当によかったです！チケットをアップグレードをしたから、出演者に会う機会がありました！演奏は2時間しかなかったけれど、ものすごく楽しかったです。チャンスがあったら、必ずもう一度観に行きたいと思います！

blueman22S2

On Saturday, I'm going to a Haunted House with my friend

I've never been to one, so I'm pretty excited but at the same time, I'm hoping it's not too scary

When I imagine an American Haunted House, I don't think of ghosts. I think of monsters and murderers and psychos

土曜日に友達と幽霊屋敷へ行く予定です。一回も行ったことがなくて、とってもわくわくしています！と、同時にそんなに怖くなかったら良いな、と思っています（笑）アメリカの幽霊屋敷について想像してみると、幽霊とかじゃなくて、お化けとか殺人者とかサイコパスなどを想像してしまいます。

If you don't hear from me within a week, I'm definitely dead
一週間のうちに私からアップデートがなかったら、絶対に死んでるってことです。

読んでくれて、ありがとうございました！

♥♡Zia♡♥

The other day

noir_au_blanc wrote some really kind words about me and I just wanted to publicly thank her

It may not always seen like it but I have a low self-esteem, so when someone I've never met personally things such nice things of me, it makes me feel very happy

The title of today's entry, 木漏れ日:: Sunlight filtering through the trees comes from a word she featured in her journal some time back, and also expresses how I feel about my life these days. Sunlight filtering through the trees. It's so beautiful and it warms you without being overwhelming. That's exactly how things are now.

★☆★

Some months ago, my friend Vix and I participated in a color festival known as HOLI (होली),where part of celebrating consists of throwing different colored powders at each other. We were a bit shy at first because we didn't know anyone, but time went by and it got pretty fun!
数ヶ月前、友達と一緒に「ホリー」という祭りに参加しました！その祭りで、人々はお互いにカラフルな粉を投げます。最初は知り合いがいなくて、恥ずかしかったけど、時間が経ったら、楽しくなりました！

And now, it seems that there is a mini-marathon taking place in early December involving the same idea! From what I understand, every mile has a different color, so the further you run, the more colors you'll end up being covered in. It seems like so much fun, so I've decided to start training for it! I'm a speed-runner, but this isn't a race I want to speed through. I have to work on building my endurance, so that I can take my time going through it and get as many colors as I can!
そして、１２月に「ホリー」の祭りのようなミニマラソンが行われているみたいです。それぞれのマイルに別の色が投げれていて、マラソンが完成できたら、色々なカラーで覆われます。楽しそうなマラソンで、参加するために、ちょっとトレーニングしようと思いました！私は速く走る方ですが、このレースは速く走り抜けたいというものではありません。出来るだけ多くの色をゲットできるように、時間をかけてやれるよう、忍耐力をつけなっくちゃ!

I'm getting better at managing my time, which means I have more time to look up recipies and cook new things. I've also begun baking again! I'm not any good at it yet, but I plan on improving little by little.
時間を管理することにもっと上手になっていて、新しいレシピを調べたり、色々なことを料理したりする暇があります！そして、もう一度ベイキングをはじめました！味はまだまあまあだけど、どんどん上達するつもり！

Next month is my birthday and I'll be 24 years old. Usually, I have a big party with my friends but this time, I don't really want to celebrate like that. However, I do want a nice present! Actually, theres nothing I really need but I do want a cute and adult-ish planner. Starting January, I'm going to be busier than I am now, so if I used a nice planner, I think things will go more smoothly. Usually, I buy the cheapest one and customize it myself but this time, I want to buy a better planner....
来月は私の誕生日で、２４歳になります。普段は友達と一緒に大きいパーティーをしていますが、今回、そんな風にはあまり祝いたくないんです。しかし、ナイス・プレゼントが欲しいです！（笑）実は、必要なものがないんですが、可愛くて、大人らしい手帳が欲しいです。１月から今より忙しくなるので、新しい手帳を使ったら、もっとスムーズにいくと思います！たいてい、一番安いのを買って、自分でカスタマイズしますが、今度はこれよりももっと良いプランナーが欲しいです・・・

読んでくれて、ありがとうございました！

♥♡Zia♡♥

Since I'm trying to lose weight, I make a habit of eating home-cooked meals as opposed to eating out. During my mini-vacation with Mugen though, we ate out quite a bit and I can feel that I've put on weight, even though it doesn't show.

And it doesn't help that Mugen gave me an awesome box of chocolates made with all sorts of unusual ingredients.

Ginger, Wasabi, Black Sesame.
Hickory Uncured Bacon, Alderwood Smoked Salt.
Mexican Ancho & Chipotle Chillies and Ceylon Cinnamon.
Oaxacan Guajillo y Pasilla Chillies.

So far, I've only tried one of the Ginger, Wasabi and Black Sesame chocolates. I thought it would taste disgusting, but it actually wasn't bad at all!

Anyway, we decided to go hang out at a water park since the weather was nice and the tickets were cheap. Even though I wore SPF +50 sunblock, I still got sunburnt! Since we arrived early, we had time to get on all the rides. My favorite one was a slide where as you near the end, the tubes become transparent and you can see real dolphins swimming around you as you go down. After we got on everything, we relaxed near the pool.

Aaaah, so much fun!!

読んでくれて、ありがとうございました！

♥♡Zia♡♥

日本語の版：http://ameblo.jp/eternalkirichan/

I'm back!

........and completely exhausted!

My mini-vacation with Mugen** ended at around 6am yesterday, and this morning, I woke up at around 4am to take my mother to the airport for her trip to Hawaii. It seems like people are constantly coming and going in my life.

There are a lot of things I need to do, but I've decided to take at least today off to completely recover. Tomorrow, I'll start tackling everything full force! Packing, cleaning, preparing documents, training.... and next month, I'm still supposed to go on another trip to see my best friend and celebrate my birthday early, but nothing's been confirmed as of yet.

Anyway, The mini-vacation!

We sometimes got irritated with each other and even had an argument. The argument we had were caused mostly by cultural differences and my having high expectations. At a certain point though, I got the feeling that he just simply enjoyed arguing with me. We got over it quickly though and had a lot of fun going to new places. I even faced and conquered a few more of my fears!
My muscles hurt and I'm quite sun-burnt (I don't understand how he didn't burn as badly as I did, while I used sunblock and he used tanning oil). Yes, we definitely had a good time!

I'll post more pictures of our vacation soon! I need to sort through everything first. I also want to catch up on everyone's journals! Until then, if something major has happened in your life since I've been gone, feel free to share or point me towards the entries! ^^

♥♡Zia♡♥

Today we confirmed the length of next week's vacation and sometime this week we'll discuss what we'll actually try to accomplish. There's only so much you can do in five days, after all. Ah, I still can't believe this is happening! But that's alright because today he told me he couldn't entirely believe it was happening either. I'm not sure how to explain how I feel. I'm not bubbly and bouncing with excitement, but I feel.....warm somehow.

And it's unusual. With Take, I was extremely happy. I loved him a lot, but I can't recall ever having a moment where I'm sipping my cup of tea, think about seeing him again and just....smile. Could it be because we were always together? No idea.

Pretty soon, I should start looking for my passport!

I went to get a my hair and bangs cut but it didn't exactly come out as I had imagined. It's my own fault for not taking in to account the fact that since I've lost weight, the same style I had before might not suit me anymore. My new cut really over-powers my face, so I'm going to spend the next few days looking through magazines and toying around with different products until I can figure out what to do to make this work.

リッチマン、プアウーマン. Rich man, Poor woman.

I normally hate discussing fandom, so I don't plan on going in to full detail on this show. But I wanted to say that I am completely in love with Rich man, Poor woman. The main female lead shares my idea on love: I'm just happy being near him. She loved him from the start and it was as though he didn't even know she existed. It hurt her, but the idea of being away from him hurt more.

A lot of girls think it's foolish to get hung up on a guy that might never love them back. The idea of not being able to have him hurts so much that they ~~try to~~ completely remove that guy from their lives. No matter how much I think about it, I can't understand this method of thinking, and it seems almost....selfish? I mean, you fall for someone because you enjoy being with them. They make you laugh and feel happy. They make you feel this way while you aren't in a relationship. So then when you can't have a relationship, that feeling...disappears? I don't get it. You're going to toss one of the best friendships you've had in the trash because you can't get your way?

Now, I'm not saying a girl should forever wait for the guy they are in love with to come around. No no, that would be foolish, especially when it's really very obvious that they have no interest in you. I'm just saying that I can't grasp the idea of completely tossing out somone you feel so strongly for just because they don't share your feelings. It's like you don't need them as badly as you thought.

Even though I've been mending a lot of my old clothes to fit me now that I've lost some weight, I still needed to buy a few shirts, dresses and bottoms because I'm not mending fast enough and I hate being left with nothing to wear. I didn't want to spend a lot of money though, so I went to a second hand shop and bought 5 pieces of clothes for only about 1800yen ($23.00).

Two dresses, two tops and a skirt.
The pieces are a little out of my comfort zone, but I'm trying to get to know myself better and build my confidence, so I need to explore different sides of myself.

I started reading アノトキのイノチ (Life back then) by Masashi Sada, because 神様のカルテ (In his records) was just too dull for me. I had always thought it would be all the kanji that would make me struggle through this book, but in the end, the characters were just too dull for me and reading became a chore. アノトキのイノチ is really good so far though! As soon as I finish it, I want to watch the movie.

My trainer switched up my workout routine, making it shorter but a hell-of-alot harder. He has a few more routines set up, since I should be switching my work-outs every two weeks or so for maximum results. He helps me out because I'm a friend of a friend,so we only meet once a week to play the work-outs, and at first I thought it wouldn't be enough, but it is.

I'm still vacation planning. There are only 13 days left until it's time to have some fun and I still have no idea what will be going on. I ended up finding a bunch of places but they need to be narrowed down and reservations need to be made..... I don't know why I don't feel motivated to get things going. Maybe I'm just exhausted between dance, kickboxing and running.....

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KURICHA（栗茶）

"An ugly duckling growing out of her feathers."

Hello. I'm Zia, and this is most obviously my journal. I write about my life between Japan and the US, and all the adventures I find myself in. People often say they are envious of the life I seem to live, but the truth is, I feel a little unsatisfied with it myself, so I've decided to do something about it--to find what really makes me happy. Hopefully by documenting my life, I can figure out where I need to be heading. This journal is my way of opening my world to those around me in hopes of meeting people searching for the same thing or encountering people who have already gone through this kind of struggle.

Back in my high school days, I used to be a bit of a nerd. I was really in to comic books of all kinds, action figures...all that jazz. These days, though my interest in comic books re-surfaces every so often, I'm very much more in to things like fashion, dance, music, travel, tea, baking, writing letters, photography, animals and fitness. I'm a straight shooter--meaning I do not (or rather, can not?) lie. Keeping up with lies is too much trouble.

Anyway, there is more information about me on my profile. Feel free to take a look there or catch me on another site★

January 2013

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KURICHA（栗茶）

Recent Entries

2012 Review

Fireworks at Odaiba! (お台場で花火！)

Better than it looks!

Back to Tokyo

Is Tokyo the new city of Love?

It's starting to feel a lot like Christmas

Winter Make Over

A pretty relaxed day

Moving forward

November News

PIECES OF ME

Because black vans are not at all dangerous.

A few steps towards the beautiful!

Basically, Run.

BLUE MAN, SCARY MAN (ブルマン、怖いマン)

木漏れ日:: Sunlight filtering through the trees.

Fun in the way-to-hot sun!

Done running around for a bit

You're in Love? Really?

A life of Leisure

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January 2013

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