forever_wandering | Back to Tokyo (Reply)

I used to be the type of girl who never left her flat unless her earbuds were securely in place and the music was blaring at a level loud enough to drown out the sounds of the world without blowing out my ear drums. That all changed when I got my new phone. I haven't yet been bothered enough to transfer all my music to my new phone, so whenever I go out, I have nothing to listen to aside from the sounds of the city around me. Stations are pretty noisy, filled with the chatter chatter of loud and annoying school girls going this way and that, salary men discussing work, and train announcements, but the sounds of the city at night are unexpectedly soothing.

(白金高輪Shirogane Takanawa)

I've fallen in love with Tokyo all over again and I regret not having experienced more of it when I lived here as a student. I guess when you live somewhere, you don't really think to do touristy things. I don't want to have the same regret about Osaka, so as soon as I get home, I'm tossing on my knee-high tube socks and fanny pack and heading out to explore the "right way," and until I return to Osaka, I plan on exploring Tokyo in the same way (though necessarily not the same fashion!)

In a a couple of days, I'll be jumping over to Magome(馬込) to stay with a friend and his family. I'm really looking forward to it since the last time I did a "home stay" was almost three years ago when I first moved to Japan, and even then, it was a small, three member family. I've never stayed with a five-member family, and it'll be interesting to see how they compare to mine!

Speaking of compare....

I had originally left Japan because things were getting out of control for me. After moving to Osaka to be with Take, things were great for a while, but things slowly started to go down hill. I had begun letting myself go because since "I already had a guy, there was no need to keep in shape." I gained back not only the weight I had lost, but an additional 2kilos (about four pounds), cut my hair off. and basically did nothing when I should have been job hunting. We'd fight about it constantly. He wanted to move in to a more serious relationship but I was too busy trying to cheat through my school work. Eventually, I did get disgusted with myself and found a part time job to help out around the apartment and pay for studies until I graduated. And it was some time after I graduated that I decided I needed to go home and really think things over, decide where I wanted my life to go.

Before heading back, I returned to Tokyo to say good-bye to a lot of my friends. This is one of the last pictures taken of me before my return to the US at the beginning of the year.

And this is the me that returned to Tokyo. Reading back on some of my entries, I feel like I've been a bit hard on myself. If I would have just looked myself in comparison to where I was instead of where I wanted to be, I'd realize that I've done--not to sound cocky--a great job. In 330 days, I was able to transform myself in to a slightly better person than I once was. There is still a lot of emotional work as well as physical work that needs to be done, but I'm not going to consider myself a failure any more.

(Face covered because my mom had caught me with food in my mouth! lol)

I feel like I really want to stay in Tokyo instead of making a jump back to Osaka, even though I'm basically already settled there. A lot of my friends are telling me to make the jump to Tokyo--that they'd help me out however they can. I'm worried though that that "Help you out however I can" will turn in to basically taking care of me, and that I'll slip in to my old ways.... but it's still something I'm considering. The next few weeks will have a big influence on whether or not I decide to move back to Tokyo. I feel like in Tokyo all I'd be able to do is teach English. I have a degree in business. I'd like to put that to use and in Osaka, I can do that. As much as I love my friends here, I can't just jump over for their sake. Now, I really do need to start thinking about my future.