The girl who waited.

[forever_wandering]

I'm finally starting to see all the glitches on LJ that everyone has been talking about. Kind of annoying, but I won't be jumping ship just yet. Come on LJ! Pull through! My titles don't show on comment pages and my comments keep getting cut off...


ANYWAY!!

(Meeting for the first time through a mutual friend. Eating Nabe.)
Amazingly delicious!

And I wish I had some right now. I don't know why I did it, but I ate McDonalds for the first time in almost three years, last night. Now, I feel sick to my stomach. Looks like its miso and water for today. 

So, I found out my aunt is getting married the other day. For my family, this is the wedding of the century. My aunt and her boyfriend have been dating for 30 years. I get impatient waiting even three months I guess it's really just a formality since that man is practically already family. 
In any case, I'm really happy for them and I even feel feel admiration towards my aunt. I'm sure she's thought of marriage plenty of times in those 30 years, but not once did they fight over it. I guess that's why they're still together. Instead of worrying about such things, they just enjoyed life. 

Then again, what would they argue about? Obviously neither of them had a fear of commitment since they stuck around each other for so long.... hm,

I know I can't wait 30 years. But, I'd like to me more like my aunt...
In the sense that I have nothing but patience for the man I love. 

LJ, Tell me your thoughts on love and commitment! How important is it to you? 

Comments

[esperity.livejournal.com]

Congrats to your aunt! Weddings are lively and it's an excuse to get all the family together. ;P Unless they prefer a small wedding ceremony and reception.

Oh and I hope you feel better, Mcdonalds food obviously isn't the best. It's frozen food and covered in chemicals in order to preserve it for awhile.

Love and commitment. My friends often say whenever I'm in a relationship I act like a guy. I prefer space, I don't really care if they hang out with other girls. I'm hardly ever jealous. I kind of let the guy call me instead of the other way around. Which is to say, I'm a bad girlfriend. Also I guess I've never loved anyone in a romantic sense (unlike familial). I dated yeah and I thought that the more time I was in a relationship it would grow and change into love but that hasn't been the case. I can be committed and people shouldn't be afraid of commitment. They're usually afraid because in the back of their mind they either don't want to change their lifestyle or they think there may be someone out there that's better. Ex: more handsome/beautiful, richer, more understanding, etc.

Hehe, you asked the question but you didn't talk about your views on love and commitment so it's your turn. ;D

[kurikuribebi]

Our family is huge, so the idea of a small wedding doesn't exist. lol.
Not that I don't like that though. The idea of a huge family is always nice (not including the holiday season!).

Yeah...I knew that...which is why I stopped eating there in the first place...but I don't know why I even tried to eat it this time. Luckily, my body made it very clear that this will not be allowed to happen again.

Hm. I'm somewhat like you. I want the other person to call me instead of me calling them...since they are the ones who prefer calling over texting usually, anyway. I do get jealous, but I never say it. I let them hang out with whoever they want and do whatever they want.
I do believe that both sides have to give a little, but I don't believe either side should have to change who they are.
I'm not afraid of commitment in the same way a lot of people do. To a lot of people, commitment is like: We belong to each other. Only each other. Forever. I can't handle that. I can however handle the idea that at the end of the day, no matter what they do, they're thinking about ME.

[esperity.livejournal.com]

Oh a large wedding, you can catch up with family members you haven't seen in awhile. It should be fun. ;P Unless you don't like a few of them, which sucks.

Well this experience has been off-putting, so you just might associate Mcdonalds with it and never eat there again. It'll prove to be a great deterrent.

It's good that you recognize your jealousy and prevent yourself from doing anything rash. A lot of relationships get ruined because of it. ;w; I like your idea about commitment, it's nice - it's balanced.

Hmmm, now that I'm thinking of it, how do you feel about the role of women? Usually it's portrayed as passive (I'm not talking about being domestic housewife) but really what are your thoughts on having the guy pay for all the dates, women proposing to men and stuff, or the girl planning dates? O:

[kurikuribebi]

I don't like the idea of guys paying for all the dates. I don't think a guy should have to pay any date on his own unless it's specifically to celebrate something special for the girl such as a birthday or promotion..ect.
I mean if the purpose of the date is for BOTH parties to enjoy EACH OTHER'S company, then both should pay.

Girls should plan the dates sometimes. It's only fair and could be fun! Don't really mind the idea of women proposing to men either. Infact, I think it's pretty cool!

[esperity.livejournal.com]

YES! I agree! My friends think that men should always pay for dates, and I'm thinking that's entirely unfair. Which is why, uhm, what's the phrase? Going Dutch? Where you pay half-and-half or at least whatever you bought.

Yeah, but sadly there aren't a lot of instances where women propose to men. D; It's deeply ingrained in society that the guy has to buy the ring and propose.

[kurikuribebi]

Why should men be expected to pay everything all the time? Women can't have their cake and eat it too. You can't complain that your man doesn't have time for you because he's always working, if he's always working because he cant afford to pay every place you wanna go.

With my old boyfriend, if I asked him for a date, I covered it. If he asked me, he covered it. If it was just one of our usual dates, like randomly going out to eat or something, we'd split it.

Though looking back on it now, he might have paid for most of the dates because most of the dates involves going for nice scenic drives. Even though I made our lunches, he always got the gas. Damn.

I would rather a guy NOT present me with a ring right away! I'd rather they ask me if I wanna get married, I accept, then we go together to buy them. Also, I would rather NOT get the ring right away, just in case.

[esperity.livejournal.com]

Oh you are such a breath of fresh air. Some of my friends sometimes their ideas about social situations is so far from my own.

That's awesome! Not everything can be equal when paying for dates and stuff, as it is there's also income differences. Just paying for whatever you can - it's a give and take relationship and whatever works for you will be different for others. O:

That's true, because especially if the guy/girl proposes in the midst of other people like at a restaurant or whatever the person is put on the spot. If the person says no, they look like an asshole. Talking about marriage beforehand will save everyone from embarrassment as everyone is on the same page.

[kurikuribebi]

Oh yeah. Of course money has to be taken In to consideration but... If I know my guy doesn't make as much as I do, I wouldn't invite him to a place I didn't think he could afford, unless it's a special occasion. I think we have to be considerate of each others finances.

Oh yeah! Wasn't that what happened with some guy who proposed at a game around two months ago? The girl said no on camera. Everyone was shocked. I wonder if people do it In public for better odds?

I'm not going to lie. A lot of my ideas are probably influenced by all the complaints I hear from my guy friends about girls and things they do.

[ltnoin.livejournal.com]

Congrats to your aunt! What a patient lady! I admire that. It's definitely not me :) I've always craved commitment (though no necessarily marriage) myself. Fortunately, I met someone very early on in my life who was quite like-minded. I'm pretty sure I'd still be holding out for that person now if he hadn't come along!

[kurikuribebi]

Yeah, definitely super patient.
You're really lucky! I'm not the type to sit around and wait. I force myself to move on. Like I said-- I lack patience. Though the idea of waiting for someone seems really romantic...

[nari-black.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry it made you sick :( I hope you feel better soon!

[kurikuribebi]

Thanks! I'm feeling a bit better already =)
Guess the food was just too greasy for my system.

[kurikuribebi]

Yeah. I've never heard of it either. I really want to ask why they waited 30 years, but I don't know if they'd consider it rude.

So, question from your idea on love and commitment =) Do you think two people who do not get married can not raise a family and share a bond?

Stay single forever? Good luck with that! When your soulmate finds you, you'll forget the idea, I'm sure! Because it wont be difficult. It will be perfect.

[kurikuribebi]

I don't know.
On wiki, one of the first reasons listed for marriage is for legal reasons. Another is for social significance and there are a few others.
To me, it seems like the point of marriage is to put on a show.
If two people are truly committed, then whether there is a legal document to bind them doesn't matter, does it?

Meh. I dunno. I don't want to think of myself getting married in the future. I wouldn't mind thinking of myself in a committed relationship. Commitment in this case being a kind of, "I'm going to come home to you every night because I want to," thing.

Aaaa yess, I'm no stranger to those colorful conversations.

[kurikuribebi]

What I mean is that if you guys are at the point where you feel, "I wanna be together forever," then by now, your family, friends, people who see you guys in your area, already know you two are committed to each other, right?

Why spend all this money to have this big party to celebrate something that's already existed for quite some time?

I agree with you that a legal document shouldn't be needed...buuut yeah. They're needed for privileges and rights the law controls, unfortunately. Like I hate the idea of having to fill out some legal document to prove my love, but if I have to do it to be able to for instance, have some say in what happens if my guy gets in to an accident,I'm gonna do it.

But yea, anyway. If love was still just about pure love, it wouldn't be as it is now.

[introspicere.livejournal.com]

First of all... I definitely feel bad for you. Feeling sick because of McDonald's? Such a hassle! On the other hand, I do wish my body would reject fast food. It would be a problem, true (as the college lifestyle is hardly healthy), but I'd be forced to eat better, haha! I hope you're feeling better now!

Anyway, congratulations to your aunt! If they were dating for so long, though, why didn't they get married? Did you and/or your family think your aunt was commitment-phobic (at least when it comes to marriage, since that's a huge leap for many people) until she announced the wedding? I'm glad for her, though. It definitely is the wedding of the century. If not, y'know, the past three decades! :)

Now, to answer your question... I've never been in a relationship, so I definitely can't say anything from experience, but I definitely consider commitment important. I'm sure you know about Sternberg's triangular theory of love; in it, the three main components of love are intimacy, passion, and commitment. Intimacy generally characterizes relationships between/among friends; passion, lovers; and commitment... Well, yeah.

So I know nothing about passion (though I've always wanted to), but I respect and admire people who can stay committed for so long, and who try to find ways to keep the relationship strong no matter their differences. I love watching old couples and seeing the state of their relationships. Maybe part of that stems from the fact that there are so many broken families nowadays; I want to know how people have stayed loyal and faithful for so long. I'm thinking that I don't need romance, but if I can have friendships that are just as durable, I'll be just as happy. :)

[kurikuribebi]

I have no idea.
At first I thought it was because my aunt was always taking care of my grandmother and living with her....
But he was always there too despite having his own place.
I've wanted to ask but I don't
know if it would be considered rude or not....

Actually, I knew those three things made up a relationship, but I didn't know there was an actual theory. I'll have to wiki it. Might be an interesting read!

I think the weakness in relationships now goes hand in hand with the technology we have available today.

[chochajin.livejournal.com]

I'm not the right person to ask.
In my 31 years I've had 1.5 relationships, quite short ones, too.
And I'm single now and have been single for the past 7 years.
I don't think that I will ever get in a situation like your aunt anyways ... or another relationship.
I wouldn't mind having another relationship, though. I just don't think it's gonna happen any time soon.

[kurikuribebi]

It seems that my aunts situation is a pretty rare one, from what everyone is saying, which makes me want to better understand the situation. Unfortunately, I don't think that'll ever happen. It's not my romance to get involved in.

Honestly, I suppose I'm a little envious of your situation. You have your own life. Even though you'd like to have a relationship, you have so many things going on that keep you busy and entertained. That would be impossible for me. This is the first time I've been single in a long time, (Though, I still find myself saying 'My boyfriend, my boyfriend. Even though he's gone, he's technically not an ex..) and it kills me. It would be nice to be similar to you, satisfied enough with my life to be a lone for a bit.

[chochajin.livejournal.com]

I didn't think there would be anybody out there who envies me.
I've really never seen it from your point of view. I guess because it's just normal for me to be all alone and concerning that being able to do whatever I want.
On the other hand that leads to a completely different problem: as I have so many choices and interestes I have no clue what I REALLY wanna do!
And if you have an important someone close to you then they often can you show your future path as they see things about you that you yourself cannot.

[kurikuribebi]

And now you've offered a point of view that I've never even considered. I guess it's true what they say: The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence!

Hopefully, we'll both get what we want =)