It's the Baby Blues, Baby.

[forever_wandering]

It feels like every time I take a breath, another one of my friends announces they're pregnant. Every time I check an email, it usually goes something a long the lines of, "I haven't been up to much but my kid blah blah blah." My facebook feed is filled with pictures of children I've only met once or twice. I don't even remember what half my friends look like, but I'd be able to identify their child from a mile away. 

Now, I don't have a problem with that. I love kids, especially when they belong to other people. What I don't like however, is when these people tell me, "You're going to be so happy when you have your own child!" because the truth is that despite not having a child, I'm already pretty happy with my life. I may not have a child, but I also have no regrets in life. I don't need a child to feel like I've accomplished something amazing because I already feel that way. Whenever they say things like that to me, I feel like they're telling me that the life I live now really isn't that great and won't be until I have a toddler of my own running around. 

Maybe that's not their intention, but their constantly pushing that idea on me is making begin to feel like I need a child even though I don't particularly want one right now. I look forward to having a kid of my own some day, but it's really annoying having the idea of needing one to be happy seemingly shoved down my throat. 

So, why not just tell them that I don't appreciate the comment? I've thought of this, of course, and on both occasions that I've tried it, the answers I received were more or less along the lines of "You just don't get it now, but you will soon enough."  
I see. So, first I'm not happy and now I'm too stupid to get it. Apparently having a kid gives you magical powers? I really don't think it works that way at all. 

It's really sad that it's not kids themselves, but parents that are turning me away from wanting to become a mother myself some day.

Note: If any of my friends on my F-list who have recently had a baby or are expecting feel offended by this, I apologize. As I stated though, my issue is only with the annoying "new mothers" of the world =) 

Comments

[starling27.livejournal.com]

Ha! Yes! Exactly! I've been having the same thing, i'm being flanked by all sides. Friends, family, people who don't even know me but know my fiancee, people on tv. Just ugh! So much pressure.

Its pretty much 'you are not happy or complete until you have your own biological children!

And then you tell them you have medical conditions that would make it very difficult to have your own children, and could put you and the child at risk if you do and they just scoff and look at you like you just said 'i can't have a baby because i have a sore toe'

Ugh, just, retards!!

Apparently adopting isn't good enough, apparently you NEED to give birth! I don't see why, its like hmmm, risk my life and babies life having a child or adopt a child that has lost its parents and has no family of their own.

Rantragerantrantrant!

[kurikuribebi]

It's pretty weird isn't it? Women spend so much time fighting to be considered equal to men and be seen as something more than just a baby-maker, then they have kids of their own and surprise! Their opinion changes. All you can do is make babies or forever be unhappy.

[good-for-great.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean and I hated hearing it too. I didn't want kids. Now that I have one, I wouldn't change it. That doesn't mean I wasn't happy and content with my life before my daughter. Being a mother is an interesting experience, to say the least, but it doesn't give you "magical powers". Even though most women I encounter feel it makes them better or smarter(for a lack of better words) than other women. "You just don't get it now, but you will soon enough.", I absolutely hate when they say this. Being a new mother, I get a lot of "You just wait..". Ugh.

[kurikuribebi]

I can acknowledge that it's an amazing experience. I don't have to have one myself to know the importance of having a child and all the joys that come with it. I wish the people around me would understand that. They can feel it makes them smarter or better all they want, but they should be quiet about it. There is no need to be rude. It's like saying I can't understand how much a person is suffering if they have cancer just because they have cancer. Wrong. I know it hurts. It has to hurt. I don't need to have it to know that the body dying is a painful experience.

You don't need to be in a car accident to know it's dangerous.

You don't need to... Well, you get the point.

I'm glad you aren't one of those people. There need to be more out there =)

[tristine-t.livejournal.com]

Speak, girl! =]

[kurikuribebi]

Thanks girl!

[shadoweon.livejournal.com]

I hate when people say things like that! Two of my cousins recently had children but they haven't said anything like that to me. I don't much care for kids, and am happy if I never have one. I am not totally objected to the idea of having one-when i'm in my late 20's or so but still, I hate that "Oh you'll understand when you have one" bs. -.-

[kurikuribebi]

I'm guilty of using the "You won't understand until..." line but I usually use it with things that are so trivial it's obviously not serious. For instance, some time ago, I told a friend of mine that she won't understand true happiness until she tries that limited edition green cheese cake ice cream from Baskin Robins. Do I think she won't really be happy? Nah, it's a figure of speech.

To use that same phrase though with a child and suggest that a person isn't actually going to be happy without a child or somehow knows less about the world because they are childless? Rude.

[rainsprite67.livejournal.com]

Ugh, this. You have no idea how much it annoys me when people do this. It's like people aspire to have kids and it's a path in life you'll eventually get to/must attain. Like a person isn't even living life or doesn't know about hardship until they're pregnant or have a kid. And also the assumption that having a kid is one of your life goals - and that if it isn't, oh, don't worry. You're still young, you'll think differently when you're older .

Personally, I don't want to experience getting pregnant or having a kid. Many people I know don't get that. I even thought my view would change many years back. Ever since when I was younger (most of my life really), I've been saying I don't want to have any kids. I noticed this was different from what my peers thoughts, because they definitely wanted to have a kid and family one day. I always got told that I would change my mind when I'm older.

Even a few weeks ago, somehow the topic of getting married and having kids one day came up in a discussion with my parents (future plans, etc.). When I said I don't even want to have kids and get married (they've heard this before), there was an awkward silence and then, "Some women who put off having kids to pursue something else eventually regret it when they're older." And then I got asked if I viewed my parents marriage in a bad light? lol I think my parents marriage is awesome actually, and I'm so glad they had 5 kids together, because it's fun with so many siblings that way. But I don't need to think bad of marriage or kids to decide no to have any. >.>; So some of these assumptions can be annoying.

And the whole new mother thing, I totally get it. My sister in law did a lot of this. Like I don't know what life is until I have a child of my own, that I won't be happy until then or something.

[friendlynerd18.livejournal.com]

It's funny because my best friend is like you in that she doesn't want to get married or have kids and yet her parent's are the best example of a successful marriage. She always tells me that she rather travel around the world and work to help people. I think that's a great way to live if that's what she wants happiness doesn't always come wrapped with kids and marriage.

[darkness323.livejournal.com]

I can kind of relate because a lot my classmates recently got pregnant and had kids. The difference is it's like they all got pregnant just after we graduated high school.

[kurikuribebi]

No kidding! I'm the only one in my graduating class who isn't married or doesn't have a kid. Well, I've always been the rebel.

[ninchu.livejournal.com]

You should start reading STFU, Parents, it's rather hilarious.
With me being the only married one among my closer friends, I still have some time until baby season starts. Only one of my friends has a child, but she barely posts about him.

Oh, and do you have a pet? A pet your baby-beridden friends don't have? "You don't know happiness before you have a (cat). Before my (cat), my life had no purpose, but now with the (cat) by my side, everything has a direction. You won't understand until you have a (cat) too."

Children can be a source of joy, and it's a big step and blablabla, but just assuming that childless people a) aren't happy and b) don't know what true love is, is horrible. And ridiculous.

[kurikuribebi]

Thank you for that link! I spent a good hour or so skimming through it =) It's like a how-to guide on how not to be a mother.

I do have pets and I do toss them in whenever something comes up, but apparently to my friends, it's not the same thing the topic always goes back to their kids. I don't mind discussing children but ugh, telling me I'm not happy and that my life is incomplete without one? That really is ridiculous.

[friendlynerd18.livejournal.com]

I completely understand where you're coming from. Every time I check my FB
I see people posting pictures of their babies, talking about their pregnancies, and what not. Yeah it's great that they're happy with their kids but it gets a little tiresome. I'm not looking to have kids until I'm in my 30s and even then I probably won't actually birth my own kids, I'd rather adopt. I just don't understand people who insist that life isn't complete until you have your own kids or get married. Really now? I never realized life could be so limited.

[kurikuribebi]

I look at the pictures and comment without problem. The kids are cute and it's nice seeing them grow up. I don't want people to tell me that my life means any less just because I don't have kids or can't post pictures of my non-existent kid's every move.

When I have kids, I'll probably be very happy and very excited and all that. They'll probably take priority in my life. However, until then, I can be happy on my own.

[xiao-tsubasa.livejournal.com]

Oh! oh! My health class just had a pregnancy unit a month ago. The whole gushy-excitement about babies and new mothers is chemical....i think. Not too sure on that fact. hrm.

I understand how that could get annoying though, haha. At least you can brag about your free time since you don't have to spend all of your time looking after a baby?

[kurikuribebi]

I try to do that! They always turn it around and make it about their kids. New mothers, I have a little more patience for but older mothers? Not so much. I have a friend who has a three year old. When I was telling her about a trip I had taken to Korea she turns it around and goes, "Oh I wish I could travel, but you know, I have a kid now and he has to come first. He needs new pants and I have to start looking in to a new bed for him, oh, but good for you and your trip over-seas."

[redcandy.livejournal.com]

Yeah, all the girls I went to high school with have gotten married / had babies. I don't feel anywhere close to that stage right now, and I'm just super glad that my parents don't push me to do either!

[kurikuribebi]

My mother used to always do that little "Oh, I can't wait to have a grand-child" with a little sigh routine, but she hasn't done that to me in a while. I think after meeting M, she thinks she doesn't have much longer to wait, lol.

I don't mind it when people say to me "Oh, I can't wait for you to have your own kid." It does bother me when they tell me I'm not happy though. I'm the only girl in my graduating class who is without child. I'm also the only one who up until now has accomplished all her dreams. That seems like happiness to me.

[countess-mina.livejournal.com]

I know exactly what you mean...

[kurikuribebi]

It seems like there are a lot of people who do!

[mellotunes.livejournal.com]

It could just be the excitement of having something new. Maybe they'll get tired of them after a while and you won't hear about it as much? :P

But seriously, I don't like it when people do that either, even if they are excited. There are plenty of other things in life that can bring people happiness, too.

[kurikuribebi]

I'm usually pretty flexible about it when I know they've just had a kid (Especially when it's the first child) and there's all that excitement but when it's been a year and you've been tossing it in my face, it makes me want to deck you. Lol.

No. No. You're wrong. Nothing brings happiness like a child. You only think there are things that can bring you happiness because you don't know real happiness. You never will. Until you have a kid =)

God,I wanna deck some people. lol.

[renegade.livejournal.com]

Almost all of my friends have kids now except my bestie, we're both single and childless lol. The thing I hate the most is when my friends become parents then they completely change as people and treat me differently because I don't have a kid. Then they spend all their time socializing with people who do have kids and not me. It's shitty.

I hate when people try to use not having kids against me, like "Yeah, but you don't have kids." That just shits me. Yeah, I don't have kids, and I don't ever want kids, and that's my choice. I don't see why people should hold that against me.

[kurikuribebi]

I hear you on this! I understand that yes, life changes when you have kids. There are different priorities and sometimes you just have to give some things up. To change completely though and treat others differently? Way to be all high and mighty.

[hikarinotsubasa.livejournal.com]

On the flipside... it drives me crazy when relatives ask me when I'm going to look for another full time job, or when my kids are going to start daycare or whatever... kind of seems like you have to have ten kids AND a high-powered career AND a PhD and twent hobbies on the side before anyone will admit that your life is pretty darn nice, just the way it is.

I think what those people probably MEAN is more along the lines of... changing a diaper is different when it's your own kid's diaper, and it doesn't seem like a pain to have to start cooking dinner at 6 when it's your own two year old who gets hungry that early. Not that you can't be happy without kids, but that the aspects of having kids that seem like a huge pain seem like slightly less of a pain when it's your own kid you're doing them for.

There are good and bad things on both sides to be sure! :) I love my kids and all, but the only move I've seen in the theaters in the past five years has been the Gokaiger movie... forget musicals or concerts.... HOW old is this shirt I'm wearing?

On the other hand, my little girl's smile is MAGIC! Whatever makes you happy, I say. :)

[kurikuribebi]

Cooking dinner at 6 has never been a pain to me. Neither has waking up at 5am to make breakfast, making lunch at 2.... Cleaning isn't much of a pain for me either. All the things they complain about doing because they're exhausted from having a child, I do perfectly fine and enjoy it. Oh, but I'm not happy. Not without the kid. It's just not the same.

I definitely understand that when you have a kid,things might feel like they have more meaning for you because there is someone depending on you, but to tell someone they aren't happy unless they have that kid? What about what I do for family and friends? That doesn't bring me happiness?

Like I said, I do love kids and chances are I'll have my own in the future, but I don't like being told that I'm not happy without them because so far, I don't see the differences in many of my friends lives between mine and theirs, aside from the fact that they have kids.

For instance, the last time I went out for coffee, a friend of mine told me that she was exhausted from having to chase her child around now that they've finally started moving around on their own. I answered with, "I hear ya, it's hard." She answered with, "I don't think you understand, you don't have a daughter on the go."

No...but..that doesn't mean I don't get exhaustion. I do have two dogs that get out of the house constantly. I chase them down. I do have two dogs I need to play with in the back yard in order to exhaust them before they tear up the house. But I can't understand exhaustion because my dogs aren't human?

What? Lol.


And props for you. That Gokaiger movie was a pain.

[angelachibayuy.livejournal.com]

It is weird seeing friends from high school having kids. I am actually close to marriage, but not the "Oh huge princess ceremony and reception" kind that costs thousands of dollars. More just a "Well, we'll get married when you graduate." No proposal needed, just natural course of things after living together for two years.

And though I said I'd never want kids when I was a teenager, I have started thinking of wanting some in the future. But in the future of me being a permanent resident so I have the stability of maternity leave and everything sense of wanting a kid.

Don't see it as the be all, end all though. Things do change but it's all up to the person. I mean in high school, although I considered myself bi-sexual, I never thought I would end up with a male. And yet I somehow ended up with another American who happens to be a male, in Japan.

[kurikuribebi]

I plan on getting married in the future as well, and it definitely won't be that big fancy put-me-in-to-debt wedding either. Actually, the person I'm currently interested in shares my desire to simply get the papers signed, and travel to various countries as opposed to a ceremonail weding.

Of course, in the future, I'll most likely want kids. I just don't like the idea of being told that I won't be happy until I do. It's like "Oh, thank you for that, I didn't realize I was miserable until you put the idea in to my mind. Let me run and have a kid right now."

Having children is definitely the beginning of a new life. I just don't think it's the beginning of THE life, as my friends make it seem.

[xbleedingheartx.livejournal.com]

I really dislike when people who have kids or have had kids pull the "one day you'll know" stuff and as you said think life is incomplete unless you breed. I, myself, do not want kids. My mum used to tell me that feeling would change as I grew older but I've been saying that since I was 13 and I still say it now. I just don't have an urge to have them, and I definitely don't have an urge for bio babies. I have a different train of thought then most people though because of my experiences with children. My mum has other theories as well.

I'm babbling so I'll shut up. Don't feel pressured and don't let them make you feel less then the amazing person you are. You don't need to have a kid to be happy, and like you said you are really happy with where you are in life right now.

[kurikuribebi]

When I was younger, I used to say I'll never want kids as well. Now, I do want kids, just not at this very moment. I don't know when the exact moment will be, either. So, if I won't be living a happy life until then, I guess that just sucks.

[raihnsage.livejournal.com]

I know how you feel. Just because I happen to like kids who are not mine, it doesn't mean that I'm not happy with my life and need to have a kid of my own. I like (some) kids only from a distance, when they're not mine. I dunno if that makes any sense but that's how I feel about this.

[kurikuribebi]

It makes sense =)
It does to me any way. There are a lot of people out there who don't understand this simple concept.

[tsukisagi.livejournal.com]

Both my sisters got married at 28 and sometimes people say they were "too old". We always laugh at comments like that! They got jobs, they traveled, they spent their money in whatever they wanted, they had boyfriends, they had time to pick up the right one, and I know they were always happy.

My sister who got married 7 months ago is feeling the pressure of getting pregnant already, mostly from their in-laws who insist too much that she's already 29 and she HAS to get pregnant, but she and her husband are pretty happy enjoying their marriage without kids.

I really dream about having my own family, but I don't think that's all about life. We also have to enjoy our own successes and experiences, and of course I'd like the same for my children. And I think it comes a time when we all feel a pressure or something like that, but it depends of us if we make their words take a place in our lives.

I say that just ignore them! You know that you're happy and that you're enjoying your life at the fullest, don't let them decide how you have to feel!

[kurikuribebi]

Right. Everyone has their own path and by trying to force them off of it, they're really only destroying someone else's happiness. I was doing good at ignoring them for a while, but now that it's become a daily thing, it's starting to get to me!

[20thlvl-rogue.livejournal.com]

The younger someone has kids, the more likely they are to be from a lower socio-economic status.

People from the upper classes have less kids per person, and when they do have kids, it is usually around age 30.

[kurikuribebi]

I'm not upper class, but I when I do have kids, I'll most likely be in my 30's as well.

[aibajunior.livejournal.com]

Ugh ikr. Kids do not make you happy. I mean they can, but what's to say that you aren't happy now? I'm happy with my life and, yes I'd like to have kids, but not in the near future.

But I know what you mean, people are trying to turn me away from marriage and kids and everything. it's tiring. I will do what I want to do when I want to and you can't stop me or make me do it sooner.

[kurikuribebi]

First of all, your icon is amazing =D

Second, Right? People are different. Everyone has their own path. What point is there in rushing others to follow your same path? Chill out and live, I say!