Back to Tokyo

[forever_wandering]

I used to be the type of girl who never left her flat unless her earbuds were securely in place and the music was blaring at a level loud enough to drown out the sounds of the world without blowing out my ear drums. That all changed when I got my new phone. I haven't yet been bothered enough to transfer all my music to my new phone, so whenever I go out, I have nothing to listen to aside from the sounds of the city around me. Stations are pretty noisy, filled with the chatter chatter of loud and annoying school girls going this way and that, salary men discussing work, and train announcements, but the sounds of the city at night are unexpectedly soothing. 

(白金高輪Shirogane Takanawa)

I've fallen in love with Tokyo all over again and I regret not having experienced more of it when I lived here as a student. I guess when you live somewhere, you don't really think to do touristy things. I don't want to have the same regret about Osaka, so as soon as I get home, I'm tossing on my knee-high tube socks and fanny pack and heading out to explore the "right way," and until I return to Osaka, I plan on exploring Tokyo in the same way (though necessarily not the same fashion!) 

In a a couple of days, I'll be jumping over to Magome(馬込) to stay with a friend and his family. I'm really looking forward to it since the last time I did a "home stay" was almost three years ago when I first moved to Japan, and even then, it was a small, three member family. I've never stayed with a five-member family, and it'll be interesting to see how they compare to mine!  

Speaking of compare.... 

I had originally left Japan because things were getting out of control for me. After moving to Osaka to be with Take, things were great for a while, but things slowly started to go down hill. I had begun letting myself go because since "I already had a guy, there was no need to keep in shape." I gained back not only the weight I had lost, but an additional 2kilos (about four pounds), cut my hair off. and basically did nothing when I should have been job hunting.  We'd fight about it constantly. He wanted to move in to a more serious relationship but I was too busy trying to cheat through my school work. Eventually, I did get disgusted with myself and found a part time job to help out around the apartment and pay for studies until I graduated. And it was some time after I graduated that I decided I needed to go home and really think things over, decide where I wanted my life to go. 

Before heading back, I returned to Tokyo to say good-bye to a lot of my friends. This is one of the last pictures taken of me before my return to the US at the beginning of the year. 

And this is the me that returned to Tokyo. Reading back on some of my entries, I feel like I've been a bit hard on myself. If I would have just looked myself in comparison to where I was instead of where I wanted to be, I'd realize that I've done--not to sound cocky--a great job. In 330 days, I was able to transform myself in to a slightly better person than I once was. There is still a lot of emotional work as well as physical work that needs to be done, but I'm not going to consider myself a failure any more. 

(Face covered because my mom had caught me with food in my mouth! lol)

I feel like I really want to stay in Tokyo instead of making a jump back to Osaka, even though I'm basically already settled there.  A lot of my friends are telling me to make the jump to Tokyo--that they'd help me out however they can. I'm worried though that that "Help you out however I can" will turn in to basically taking care of me, and that I'll slip in to my old ways....  but it's still something I'm considering. The next few weeks will have a big influence on whether or not I decide to move back to Tokyo. I feel like in Tokyo all I'd be able to do is teach English. I have a degree in business. I'd like to put that to use and in Osaka, I can do that. As much as I love my friends here, I can't just jump over for their sake. Now, I really do need to start thinking about my future. 

Comments

[chochajin.livejournal.com]

You did a super great job indeed, but please take care of your health!

I found one thing very interesting where you said that you thought you don't have to take care of yourself anymore now that you have a guy.
It's never good if somebody does all these things just for a guy! You need to do them for yourself - and only for yourself!

I have the feeling that now that's exactly what you're doing, so that's good! ^^

[kurikuribebi]

Sorry so late to reply. I didn't have internet until now =(
Yes, definitely, I know that now! At the time, I was just a foolish kid who didn't really know what she was doing. I'd smack that girl if I could. LOL.

[mcgoggins.livejournal.com]

When I lived in Hawaii, the last thing I wanted to do was tourist stuff. I mean, I went to the beach, I body boarded, I did that sort of stuff, but I went to *my* beach... a place where only locals went. Besides, the island I lived on was so small (in comparison to the Big Island or Oahu) that there weren't THAT many things to do without having to spend loads of money on it.

But when friends came to visit, you better believe that's all we did. So I definitely got my fill of tourist stuff, and I'm glad I did, because the moment my dad said "we're moving" it was that OMG NEED TO DO EVERYTHING epiphany and I had zero time to do any of it.

Good for you in thinking about your future and planning for it. I think a lot more people have to focus on their future than worry about their past.

[kurikuribebi]

It's really expensive to do all the touristy stuff? I guess that's expected. Tourists are always milked for their cash.... such a shame!

[livingshinigami.livejournal.com]

I think I kinda understand what you're saying about doing touristy stuff. You just never think about that when you're living somewhere, do you?

I live at the heart of Europe, so even a city as small and uneventful as my university city is actually really pretty - but I walk around there every day so I hardly notice it anymore, ha ha.

[kurikuribebi]

Exactly! It's just like that! All my friends go on and on about how fabulous life seems in Japan and all I ever really think about are the perverts on the train. Oh, the things we miss out on when we get too used to life.

That's why it's important to travel or take new routes to the same places.

[jimjamjenny.livejournal.com]

I always feel that way about touristy stuff. There's loads of things that I sort of wish that I'd done in Fukuoka before I left, but I never seemed to get round to them because they'd always be there. But of course, they're not anymore. (Okay, well they are, but I'm not. You know what I mean! I hope)

I should really start doing things in Tokyo! I seem to end up spending my free time the same way, which is nice, but boring, hehe.

[kurikuribebi]

Definitely! Tokyo has so much to offer and I'm surprised I didn't realize it when I was a student. Now I'm running around doing this and that. And since you've lived in Japan for a long time now, you won't get conned in to these high priced restaurants and omiyage that make it all seem so much more expensive.

[koyaaniisqatsi.livejournal.com]

You're doing so well, bb! :D

[kurikuribebi]

Thanks! I wish it wasn't so competitive to get a man. Dang. haha.

[phantomtantrum.livejournal.com]

You have done amazing! and look amazing, good for you girl!

[kurikuribebi]

Your icon. lol.
Thank you!

[20thlvl-rogue.livejournal.com]

Let's see..first picture HOT. Second picture HOT. I actually think the first picture is cuter because you don't have a heart covering your face, and your body is cute in the first picture too.

[kurikuribebi]

I think because I'm surrounded by these 20 pound asian girls all the time, my image of beauty and health is a bit twisted.

[cherany.livejournal.com]

That's great that you're feeling better about yourself! Doing things for a guy (or not doing things b/c you have a guy) is a really lousy way to live, but taking pride in your appearance for YOU is always a win! You don't look bad at all in the first photo, but we all have a certain look that makes us feel our best, and we're most fun to be around when we're happiest!

[kurikuribebi]

I have a low self esteem, so how other people see me matters way more to me than how I see myself. If I look at myself in a mirror, I think "I look like a cow" or "Oh look at this part here.."

But when I see myself in pictures, I can sort of begin to accept that I don't look so bad!

[azuma-chan.livejournal.com]

You were a student in Japan?! What did you study there?!

[kurikuribebi]

Yes, I was a student in Yokohama =) I studied communications.
Now I just work.

[pearlsphere.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you love yourself for you and only you, and one can really tell :D, that's the spirit. Hopefully you can find something related to business in Tokyo as well.

[kurikuribebi]

Ugh, I hope so. I did some looking and even though I got offered some jobs at shops, that wasn't the type of business I was referring to.

[pearlsphere.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah...how dissapointing is that, but I really have faith you'll find something! :D