forever_wandering: (AMUSED)

For women, beautiful shoes are a necessity. They say beautiful shoes take you to beautiful places.

I recently traded up my white flats for a pair of black booties I bought when I went to New York with Ryo. They had been an impulse buy and with 11cm heels, I was sure I'd never wear them....but I've been breaking them in this week and I am absolutely in love with them. 174cm Zia get's a lot more attention and discounts than 163cm Zia, and I feel a lot more confident. Lol. In this past week alone, I've been asked out three times, gotten so many free snacks when I enter sweets shops, and have gotten $40.00 worth of free make up samples.  

White shoes=> shoes

Unfortunately, M doesn't support any of the changes I've been making. It's like the better I become, the more distant he gets. It's like he wanted someone average with average skills and appearances to be totally dependent on him... I wonder if this was why my other friends didn't like him from the start? He does't hinder me from doing as I like, but he doesn't support me either. I'm worried that it'll eventually come to a point where I'll have to choose between him and my own happiness. 

Maybe I need to hold off on relationships until I'm completely happy with myself? 

I spoke with a nutritionist today to try and find a balance between the calcium rich diet I need to follow until I can have my surgery, and my low dairy diet I'm trying to follow to lose weight. Luckily, we were able to find a good balance, but he suggested I keep a food journal that measures the calcium amounts in all I eat. I figured I could keep track of calories as well. While I was shopping online for a cute journal to use, I stumbled across this page. I know several people on my friends list are also trying to lose weight, so I decided to share it =) Clicking on the picture will take you to a bigger version.

United bees "GRAM NOTEBOOK"

So here we go. One month left to drop 5kg! Okay, I know that 5kg in one month is impossible, so my goal is actually only 2kg for now. I'll worry about the rest of the weight when I get back home.


and as I type this, I get a text from my mom: 

My sister is having her baby! 

forever_wandering: (SHOCKED)
I changed my layout in celebration of the new season. It's not the best, but I quite like it. It's simple and cute.  A few of my friends have been asking me to post both in English and Japanese so that they don't have to struggle through the English. It's pretty time consuming, but I'm considering it.


I'm a sucker for "Limited Edition Items," so as soon as I saw 31 Ice Cream's commercial for a Men in Black Limited Edition flavor, I absolutely had to have it. I told myself that if I could maintain my work out plan for two months, I'd allow myself to have it, and since I completed that goal yesterday, I had my reward for breakfast today!

The huge chunks of cheesecake made it a lot sweeter than I had expected it to be, but it was still quite enjoyable.So enjoyable that I almost regret splitting it with two other people!

A friend tried to guilt me over indulging in this little reward. "When you're on a diet, you can't eat things like this!" she told me, to which I replied, "I'm not dieting."  She seemed confused, and told me she had thought I was trying to lose weight. I am, and I know that sacrifices must be made in order to lose weight.  However, I do not believe in cutting out all of my favorite foods and snacks.  I believe in moderation. From the day I decided I wanted to live a healthier life, I've lost 31 kilos. Not once have I felt deprived. Many of my friends constantly complain about their cravings and then often end up splurging when they go out.  

For me, it's all about creating a healthy and active lifestyle I can maintain for more than a couple of months. Some people can completely cut sweets from their diets. I am not one of those people. These days, I rarely have cravings for such sweet things, but when I have a craving I simply can't get out of my system, I satisfy it with a small amount of what I'm craving. 
I exercise five days a week (six when I finish my to-do list on time!) for almost two hours a day and dance for almost 45 minutes on top of that. I don't think a splurge every two months, for example, is going to kill me. It anything, it works as a motivator. 

I used to be a yo-yo dieter, so at this point in the game, I may not be well educated on the best ways to lose weight, but I know quite a bit about what doesn't, and I can say with full confidence that making yourself miserable does not help.

Getting in shape and living healthy is not just a physical change. It's also a mental and emotional change. If you feel cranky and stressed, you won't be able to make the best decisions when it comes to this new life you want. 

Every time I try to explain this to my friends, they roll their eyes and tell me I don't know what I'm talking about.Well, as I said, I may not be an expert but....I'm not the one sitting there making complaints about how difficult and stressful dieting is, am I? No, I'm the one eating a slice of cake while I browse through a magazine for a new size 4 dress.  

I've never met a guy who puts themselves through the same torture girls put themselves through to lose

EDIT: Some hours after I posted this, I went on to discuss diets with a friend, which led to a discussion about food in Japan vs. Food in the US.  

Where did this idea that all food in Japan is automatically healthier than food in the US? Their argument was that in the US, they eat certain things and get fat, but in Japan, they can eat whatever and not get fat. This has more to do with the lifestyle than the actual food itself, I feel. For instance. In Japan, you buy a burger at MOS burger. The size is considerably smaller than that of an American burger, so you feel you won't gain weight. The truth is, you'll most likely walk a lot of it off because well, you do a lot of walking in Japan. That's life. 

In the US, you order a burger and it's almost the size of your head. You eat it then get in your car, drive home, and complain that you've gained weight because American food is icky and that this would never happen in Japan. Wrong. Cut the burger in half and walk home. 

In my mind, the only real difference is that people in Japan do all the work for you. You eat smaller portions because they give you smaller portions. That doesn't mean you can't be an adult and control your own portions in your own country. You burn things off quickly in Japan because you walk a lot. You can't walk in your own country? The thing can. 

The same rules apply for every country, in my book. So, whenever I hear girls make the argument or go with the assumption that just by being in Japan, they'll be able to eat whatever they want and still lose weight, I feel totally confused. 

It feels to me like the issue isn't the food itself but more an issue of an individual's discipline. 

forever_wandering: (HAVING FUN)
What a relaxing day it's been!

Being extremely productive throughout the week definitely has it's good points. I've been using my planner now more than ever and have been getting things done faster than I thought I ever could. I woke up early, worked out, cleaned the house and now, I'm sitting in my parent's living room with my feet soaking in the foot massager, watching TV shows I haven't seen in ages. For the first time in a long time, I have a day to myself, and it feels great

R sent me some clips he filmed in New York, so I combined them and loaded them on to youtube. At some point, I want to load my own videos, but since mine are a lot longer and would take more time to go through, it probably won't get done any time soon. 


Apparently, I don't have to plan the August vacation. Kaz told me he took care of everything. I'm waiting for him to e-mail me the itinerary so I can make sure everything makes sense and that all the necessary things such as hotel reservations and transportation have been reserved and confirmed.  I'm pretty excited and I don't even know where we're going yet

Before that, I really need to get my photo collection re-organized. I love printing my photos and putting them in to decorated albums. I haven't organized any of my pictures since March, and I still have about 150 photos (Photos from when my BFF came to see me, Photos from when M, came down and the New York pictures( I still need to print. Hopefully, I can get that done before August, or I'll have to add those vacation pictures to my list as well. It's a lot cheaper and less time consuming to keep pictures stored online, I guess, but there is a certain satisfaction I get from having the photos in my hand as opposed to on a computer screen. 

I've been working out in the morning these days and it's something I should have done a lot sooner. Not only do I have more energy to exercise compared to when I work out at night, but I feel great through-out the day. I measured myself again this morning and I've gone down quite a few inches all over. I'm also more toned, so there is definitely change taking place, despite the number on the scale still being the same. If I keep this new lifestyle up, I'll lose all the weight I gained when Take depression hit in, in about three months. 

These days, my work out consists of a 2mile run, a 2 mile uphill walk, 10 minutes yoga, 20 minutes weight training. I also stopped eating anything after 6:30-7:00.  I also allow myself to have all the things I've been craving through-out the week. 

M wants to take me somewhere I've never been once I move back to Japan. I really want to visit Hokkaido, but it's not exactly a cheap trip and I'm not sure how to bring it up. I'll try to save up as much as I can so that when I bring it up, I can promise to front half the bill. I know I said I wanted to leave things as they were between M and I, since things are going so well, but I'm really starting to wonder where he and I are headed. 
forever_wandering: (AMUSED)
I got caught up in the oddest Livejournal spat today that turned in to an attack on my personal character, which had nothing to do with the topic at hand. Maybe I should have been offended or angry or whatever, but it honestly made me laugh. Whatever happened to the days where you could discuss an opinion without it becoming personal? 

Speaking of becoming personal, I spoke to R-san and T-san (R-san's best friend and my old Japanese teacher) today. R-san apologized to me and confessed that he only booked us a single room with a king-sized bed. I laughed and told him not to worry about it but inside I'm thinking...What? T-san advised be to keep a knife handy, so I promised I'd buy myself a gun to keep R-san at bay. Honestly, I don't think he'll try anything since we have a kind of sibling relationship...But...What?! 

Ugh. That depression I get when I realize I fail at life because I studied at an all girl's university and still have close to 0 female friends, is starting to hit me again.  I wonder if I needed to attend an all-boy's school in order to make friends of the female gender...Any time I complain to one of my guys about it, they laugh and tell me there are many girls right now who would die to be in the Japanese-reverse-harem I'm stuck in. I tell them to help me find these girls so that we could be friends.... But no luck yet! 

I tried on that dress again today to see if I still felt the same way about it. I still want to lose some more weight, but now I can at least appreciate the fact that I was able to finally get in to it. All I had to do was look at pictures from how I used to look and dress to shock me back! I don't think I'll be taking it to New York though, especially now that I know R-san and I will be a little closer than I expected, and will more than likely be drinking a bit.


Today, I grabbed some job applications. I made sure they were all only seasonal jobs, since I can really only work until  October, at the latest. I'm going to fill them out tomorrow and send them off. We'll see what happens after that. I really want to save up a bit more money before going back. M-san asked twice if I'd definitely be back in December, and then asked if I had ever been skiing or snowboarding in Nagano, so I'm assuming my winter plans will include another little trip. That requires money. 

Last but not least, I tried chest binding today for the first time ever in life at a lingerie shop . It was one of those spur-of-the-moment things I thought I should try before I said I didn't like it...And I don't like it. Son of Mary Christ, why would anybody ever want to do that to themselves?! I swear if it wasn't for the fact that it was hard to breath as it was, I would have cried. Not even wearing a kimono was that painful! 

Friday! Hurry up and get here! I want to go to New York!! 

forever_wandering: (WONDERING)
Woke up early, read a few pages of 神様のカルテ, then cleaned my room. While cleaning, I found a Victorias Secret card with a secret amount of money on it that expires at the end of this month. I love scented lotions, so picking one for me to use on a daily basis is not a problem. However, this time around, I'd like to buy one specifically to wear with M-san this winter when we celebrate our first Christmas as friends together. He always notices what scent I'm wearing around him and always compliments me for it. I want to keep it that way. 
The first I ever used with him was Victoria Secret's strawberry spray. Two sprays was enough to make him lean in and smell my hair the first time we ever met. The second is a Raspberry/Strawberry mix. He picked up on this one right away as well, and told me I smelled delicious. Obviously, the boy loves his berry scents, so my plan is to find some kind of berry mix that doesn't have such a summery feel. Has anyone ever tried anything in a WinterBerry scent? I found that Victoria's secret has a winter scent called Winterberry, but when I look for reviews, I can't find anything.  I'm open to any suggestions anyone may have. 


★ 3 MILE RUN. 
★ 25 PUSH UPS 

I figure that if I write down my work out plan for the week, I'll feel more obligated to follow it. I'm loving the difference I'm beginning to see in the mirror. My goal is to improve overall fitness. I want to be able to run those three miles non-stop at 6.5 miles an hour. I want to be able to use weights that weigh more that a combined weight of 20 pounds. There is a marathon in May that I want to try and participate in. I'll wait until the end of this month before I make a final decision on that though. 

Time to get fit, Ladies and Gents! 

forever_wandering: (AMUSED)


We had decided a few days before on meeting at Roppongi at 18:00. Even though he had been mad at me, and was probably even more annoyed with me for not calling him as I had been instructed, I assume our plans still stand. I shower, change, then head off to meet him. Upon reaching Ueno Station, I get a message from M-san,*: You didn't call me. I'll see you at 20:00 instead. What? 20:00?! What in hell was I supposed to do for two hours?! "That's fine. I'll wait for you," I reply, which sparks a small argument. He blames my not calling him for his being late and I apologize but argue that my call had nothing to do with our pre-arranged meeting. He tells me he's on his way and we end up meeting only half an hour behind schedule. 

We argue as we walk. He's genuinely annoyed that I hadn't called, and I'm genuinely annoyed that he was acting so...possessive. He was annoyed that I had been hanging out with another guy, drinking with another guy. I assure him that nothing had happened and that T-san* was no more than a friend. "That kind of behavior.." he begins to tell me, but then says nothing more. What behavior? My behavior? Sorry, but what had I done wrong? "I don't like it." He finishes off, rounding a corner. "So, where do we go from here?" I ask, wondering if we'd be parting ways or not. "Roppongi Hills. You know Mori tower?" He asks back, and of course, I know. I remind him that I'm afraid of heights, which seems to bring a smile to his face. Damn him. I smile back and the tension disappears. 

PhotobucketThe elevator doors opened and as we stepped out on to the deck, we were greeted by a beautiful night view of the area, Tokyo Tower glowing majestically. I'm both amazed and terrified at the same time.  He asks me if I want to take a picture. "Uhh...." I answer, holding on to the rail. Actually, I'm fine right here, clinging to this rail, I think to myself, but find myself walking with him in the direction of the designated photographer positioned on deck.  Once our picture is taken, we begin to walk around deck, trying to identify different landmarks.

"And that area over there is...." M-san* peers at a map, trying to figure out what he was looking at. "That's Shibuya," I finish, standing next to him. He asks me how I know. "I'm awesome," I answer.  

"Okay then. So." He points in another direction, "That"  I tell him that that area is also Shibuya. It's all Shibuya. Everything in Sight is Shibuya. "Trust me, I know these things." I assure him. We laugh and continue looking around.

He starts staring at another map and as he does so, I stare at him. He had me figured out, but he was still a mystery to me. I stare so intently that I fail to notice he's now looking at me instead of at the map. He snaps his fingers in my face, "Is that ok?" My blank stare tells him he needs to repeat his question. "I know you have to go to Kansai but I wanna see you one more time before you go home, ok?" 

I agree to meet him again and promise I'll call him from Kansai. He gives me a skeptical look. I laugh. "I will!" I assure him, "I swear I'll call you."

But did I? 


I am loving LJ's new "Scheduled entries" feature! It really is speeding up the posting process. I can type up all my entries ahead of time then just walk away.

In other news, Operation "Instead of losing weight, focus on living a healthier lifestyle" is going very well. I haven't stepped on the scale just yet to see if I've actually lost any weight, but I can see a difference when I look at pictures most importantly, I feel the difference.  Is anyone else working on losing weight? If so, how do you keep motivated? How do you measure your progress?  I only have 5 more kilos to lose in order to meet my final goal, but I've read that the last 5 are always the hardest.  I'm looking for creative ways to keep myself motivated! 9 months to lose 5 kilos for a bit day! MOTIVATE ME LJ

forever_wandering: (Default)
I decided that this year I seriously wanted to lose weight and become more healthy.  
So, I threw out all the sweets and junk food we had in the house. 

My parents love sweets, so they were a bit irritated, but I just reminded them that they too had promised to lose weight and become healthier throughout the year. Reluctantly, they allowed me to throw out the remaining temptation. 

My goal this year is to lose 5kg. Losing 5 more kg would put me back the same weight I was in junior high. 

Last year, I dropped 10kg, but expecting to lose the same amount this year would just be impossible. 
Also, I'm pretty sure that if I dropped another 10kg...I would die.

Every day is becoming busier and busier...but with a treadmill in the house, I have no excuse not to exercise every day. 

Doll girl workout gym threadmill animated gif Pictures, Images and Photos

My ipod finally died so I have to re-download new music and put it on my iPhone for my run! 
Any recommendations are welcome. 
I'm always up for new music!! 





"An ugly duckling growing out of her feathers."

Hello. I'm Zia, and this is most obviously my journal. I write about my life between Japan and the US, and all the adventures I find myself in. People often say they are envious of the life I seem to live, but the truth is, I feel a little unsatisfied with it myself, so I've decided to do something about it--to find what really makes me happy. Hopefully by documenting my life, I can figure out where I need to be heading. This journal is my way of opening my world to those around me in hopes of meeting people searching for the same thing or encountering people who have already gone through this kind of struggle. 

Back in my high school days, I used to be a bit of a nerd. I was really in to comic books of all kinds, action figures...all that jazz.  These days, though my interest in comic books re-surfaces every so often, I'm very much more in to things like fashion, dance, music, travel, tea, baking, writing letters, photography, animals and fitness. I'm a straight shooter--meaning I do not (or rather, can not?) lie. Keeping up with lies is too much trouble. 

Anyway, there is more information about me on my profile. Feel free to take a look there or catch me on another site★


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