forever_wandering: (AMUSED)

For women, beautiful shoes are a necessity. They say beautiful shoes take you to beautiful places.

I recently traded up my white flats for a pair of black booties I bought when I went to New York with Ryo. They had been an impulse buy and with 11cm heels, I was sure I'd never wear them....but I've been breaking them in this week and I am absolutely in love with them. 174cm Zia get's a lot more attention and discounts than 163cm Zia, and I feel a lot more confident. Lol. In this past week alone, I've been asked out three times, gotten so many free snacks when I enter sweets shops, and have gotten $40.00 worth of free make up samples.  

White shoes=> shoes

Unfortunately, M doesn't support any of the changes I've been making. It's like the better I become, the more distant he gets. It's like he wanted someone average with average skills and appearances to be totally dependent on him... I wonder if this was why my other friends didn't like him from the start? He does't hinder me from doing as I like, but he doesn't support me either. I'm worried that it'll eventually come to a point where I'll have to choose between him and my own happiness. 

Maybe I need to hold off on relationships until I'm completely happy with myself? 

I spoke with a nutritionist today to try and find a balance between the calcium rich diet I need to follow until I can have my surgery, and my low dairy diet I'm trying to follow to lose weight. Luckily, we were able to find a good balance, but he suggested I keep a food journal that measures the calcium amounts in all I eat. I figured I could keep track of calories as well. While I was shopping online for a cute journal to use, I stumbled across this page. I know several people on my friends list are also trying to lose weight, so I decided to share it =) Clicking on the picture will take you to a bigger version.

United bees "GRAM NOTEBOOK"

So here we go. One month left to drop 5kg! Okay, I know that 5kg in one month is impossible, so my goal is actually only 2kg for now. I'll worry about the rest of the weight when I get back home.


and as I type this, I get a text from my mom: 

My sister is having her baby! 

forever_wandering: (Default)

Happy November!

I saw that a lot of my friends are jumping over to Dreamwidth because of LJ's new friends page change. I don't plan on jumping ship just yet, but I did go ahead and set up my DW accout. If you plan on completely moving to Dreamwidth, PLEASE let me know, so I can start cross-posting. While I was at it, I went ahead and re-did my Livejournal layout as well! 

My Dreamwidth Account: Please click image to open account!                          My New Livejournal Layout! 

Dreamwidth       Livejournal

I finally accepted that until I can get the funds together for that surgical procedure I need, I'm going to have to not only cut back on things I wanted, but also things I don't immediately need. I got the grocery shopping done today, and didn't buy a single bit of junk food! The bill went down close to $30.00. Imagine that!


On top of that, I'm considering trying a protein diet I keep seeing every time I log in to ミクシィ. I'm usually rather indifferent to these ads because they usually feature women that are already like 50kg who are trying to lose 5 more kg. Basically, skinny people trying to be more skinny, and these ads usually offer to do it in about two weeks.  

I'm not that foolish. 

However, this ad promotes a series of protein shakes AND explains the diet plan used to lose 10kg in a month, and after roaming the site quite a few times, it doesn't seem to unreasonable. Despite the fact that I exercise six days a week, my eating habits are rather sloppy, and this diet is meant to help you cut calories and help you get used to eating less without starving yourself. It also forces you to think about what you eat, since you are substituting the shake for certain meals, so you make sure the meal you eat is amazingly delicious.... which is the one thing that kills me about American advertisements that I see about weightloss. 

Those commericals always have women who say "I didn't even have to think about what I was eating. I just signed up, completed the survey and they'd send me the food every month..blah blah.." If you aren't aware of what you are eating, you might lose the weight, but you will not keep it off! 

I feel like a protein diet is more successful because not only is it a physical struggle, but an emotional struggle. You become aware of what you've been doing, what you haven't been doing. You learn to change.  

I only need to lose 5 more kg, so my dieting doesn't have to be as extreme as what these two did, but yeah, I'm definitely a bit curious. 

Have you ever tried a special diet program? What's your take on them? Have you ever fallen victim to a "fad diet" such as the bananna diet? 

And on a completely unrelated note, I'm sharing this here: 
Despite the reward, not a single person has come forward with information. Her car was found abandoned, but it didn't offer any clues as to where she might have gone or been taken to. Absolutely zero clues. The only way to actually get out of Sitka if you don't own your own boat is to take a plane or catch the ferry. No one has reported seeing her. It's as though she's vanished in to thin air. Sitka also heavily depends on tourism. There are a lot of "outsiders" going in and out. I post this here in the off chance that she was taken by someone who did have means of getting off the island. In that case she could be between any Alaskan Island, Canada or Washington. 

Sitka is such a small place where everyone knows everyone. Things like this just don't happen. Close to 3 weeks missing. 3 weeks of friends, family and police heading spending the day searching and searching...and not.a.single.clue. 

forever_wandering: (ASHAMED)
You know those girls who stare in the mirror and see themselves as ugly fat women, no matter how thin they actually are? It dawned on me today that I might be becoming one. Today I tried on--and finally fit in to--a dress I had bought months ago. I had fallen in love with it the minute I saw it, so I bought it, despite it being several sizes too small. I told myself that I'd lose weight, fit in to it, and be the happiest person alive. Today, I should have been that happiest person alive. I was able to slip in to the dress and zip it up without a struggle. I had finally achieved my goal. The first thing to cross my mind however, as I stared at myself in the new dress was "God, I need to lose more weight." 

Now, I'm the first person to admit I need to lose weight. But I'm so disappointed that instead of enjoying the accomplishment of my first goal, that was all I could think about.  

PhotobucketNow that I've lost weight, not only can I comfortably fit back in to the clothes I brought with me, but I also have a lot of old clothes that are so big, I'm able to cut and stitch and wear in different fashions.  So, I've started looking at magazines again to see how I want to re-work all these old pieces.  The sewing machine is out and ready to go! I've never done anything like this before, so I'm interested in seeing how things turn out. 

It disappoints me that most of the styles I absolutely love require heels. By American standards, I'm short. By Japanese standards, I'm tall. Whenever I wear heels, I'm the same height (give or take a few inches) as a lot of my friends, and they hate that... so I've been trying to work them out of my wardrobe. 

When the boys are happy, I am happy. They do after all buy me nice things, feed me and take me on trips. Oh goodness, am I really a call-girl like that one person said?! 

PhotobucketI managed to pack everything I need for New York in to this little travel bag, and I still have room left over. I packed: 
★ 4 outfits with interchangeable pieces, totaling out to 16 different combinations. 
★ I set of PJ's. 
★ Hair iron. 
★ 4 pairs socks/undergarments.
★ Brush, Make up, toiletries.
★ Sunglasses .

I'll also have a second purse with my wallet and camera and things like that. Does it look like I'm missing anything? Since I always pack way more than I usually need, I'm looking at this list and keep thinking that I'm forgetting some important things. Of course I'm going to unpack and re-pack since I still have time, but I want to make sure everything is perfect. I wanna save all my money for omiyage! 

I'm feeling kind of nervous about meeting with R-san! Like I said, we've actually hung out together without anyone else being around, and now we'll be sharing a hotel room for about a week. 

I spoke to K-san about our August trip. It's going to be a three day trip. I don't feel like running around for three days, so I'm thinking I'll try to find some place that will take us three days to explore. I need to start looking at hotel rates, car rental rates...ect. Hm, I wonder why I always get stuck planning these little excursions? I've already won K-san's love and affection, so I'm more focused on what S-san wants to do during this trip. He likes historical places, New York, and Russia. Hm...I've never been to Russia....

Speaking of trips...I was originally supposed to go back to Osaka in December, but now I'm thinking about going back sooner. I found out my brother will be coming down to FL for the summer. I think I've mentioned it before, but I have a horrible relationship with my brother and sister. Basically, they don't acknowledge my existence. My siblings and I were never particularly close but my moving to Japan made us grow even further apart. The final blow was when I went to Alaska and snapped at my sister over her drug use that everyone seemed to be ignoring. My brother, being close to my sister, took her side. They talked to me for a while after the big Earthquake and Tsunami, but a few months after that, I guess they brushed me off again. 
Because they are both the babies of the family, whenever any of them are around, I'm automatically the evil child. Things get intense. I was really looking forward to more time with my parents but...I don't know if I'm going to stick around.  
forever_wandering: (POSITIVE OUTLOOK)
I'm not sure how I did it, but I managed to get two weeks worth of work done in one week, which means that next week, I can be as lazy as I want. I'll most likely spend it in bed with a bowl of strawberries, trying to start reading 神様のカルテ. There are several books, but I'm only focused on the first one. 


The DVD for 神様のカルテ came out last month, but I really don't want to watch it until I finish the novel.  My goal is to complete this novel by the end of this year. The book is only 252 pages, but because it's loaded with kanji and vocabulary I'm not familiar with, I'm giving myself that amount of time. To give myself less time would be setting myself up for failure. 

I met up with some friends from high school today and it was pretty fun! We mostly sat in a cafe had had bubble tea, but we still laughed a lot more than expected. They kept insisting that I had changed so so much and that they were amazed at the person I had become. I know I've changed mentally and I knew I had changed to a degree physically, but it wasn't until I compared two pictures side by side that I realized I really have changed!  On the left is the person they remember, on the right is the person I've become. Now that I am more serious about getting in shape, I wonder what I will look like in another two years. 


 In two weeks, I'll be meeting with a few more classmates. I can't wait.  
forever_wandering: (ASHAMED)
Yesterday was my mom's birthday. Happy Birthday mom!Photobucket
I ended up eating soooooo much last night that I had promised myself I'd get up early and hit the treadmill but....when I woke up it was freezing and I couldn't drag myself out of bed (I'm still very much cold intolerant despite my stay in Alaska) and when I finally did manage to get up, there was already someone on the machine. 

I'll have to work out tonight.... 
Usually, I like to do about two hours of exercising, so working out at night is kinda...meh...but whatever. 

It's already almost the second week of January. Didn't we just celebrate New Years YESTERDAY?! 
My friends will start arriving next month and I'm worried I won't be able to get in to better shape on time....

I'm trying to figure out how even though I'm not in school or working now, I still have so much to do...
How am I supposed to get everything done before my friends arrive?! 

And Speaking of Friends arriving.... 

Have you ever liked someone you knew you shouldn't? What did you do? 
That's the issue I'm dealing with at the moment. I can honestly say it's an infatuation. The problem is that I acknowledge he's dangerous for me and I know need to keep away. How? It's not his fault so I don't want to drop him cold but...

This is something I need to figure out before he comes to visit. I'm not interested in dating him. I don't want to date anyone now.
But for some reason this guy.... When we socialize it's perfect but when we're apart he irritates the hell out of me. 

What to do....


PS::: I updated my livejournal layout as well as profile layout. Does anyone mind taking a look and letting me know if it shows up okay?? thx!! 




"An ugly duckling growing out of her feathers."

Hello. I'm Zia, and this is most obviously my journal. I write about my life between Japan and the US, and all the adventures I find myself in. People often say they are envious of the life I seem to live, but the truth is, I feel a little unsatisfied with it myself, so I've decided to do something about it--to find what really makes me happy. Hopefully by documenting my life, I can figure out where I need to be heading. This journal is my way of opening my world to those around me in hopes of meeting people searching for the same thing or encountering people who have already gone through this kind of struggle. 

Back in my high school days, I used to be a bit of a nerd. I was really in to comic books of all kinds, action figures...all that jazz.  These days, though my interest in comic books re-surfaces every so often, I'm very much more in to things like fashion, dance, music, travel, tea, baking, writing letters, photography, animals and fitness. I'm a straight shooter--meaning I do not (or rather, can not?) lie. Keeping up with lies is too much trouble. 

Anyway, there is more information about me on my profile. Feel free to take a look there or catch me on another site★


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