forever_wandering: (HAPPY&EXCITED)
I used to be the type of girl who never left her flat unless her earbuds were securely in place and the music was blaring at a level loud enough to drown out the sounds of the world without blowing out my ear drums. That all changed when I got my new phone. I haven't yet been bothered enough to transfer all my music to my new phone, so whenever I go out, I have nothing to listen to aside from the sounds of the city around me. Stations are pretty noisy, filled with the chatter chatter of loud and annoying school girls going this way and that, salary men discussing work, and train announcements, but the sounds of the city at night are unexpectedly soothing. 

(白金高輪Shirogane Takanawa)

I've fallen in love with Tokyo all over again and I regret not having experienced more of it when I lived here as a student. I guess when you live somewhere, you don't really think to do touristy things. I don't want to have the same regret about Osaka, so as soon as I get home, I'm tossing on my knee-high tube socks and fanny pack and heading out to explore the "right way," and until I return to Osaka, I plan on exploring Tokyo in the same way (though necessarily not the same fashion!) 

In a a couple of days, I'll be jumping over to Magome(馬込) to stay with a friend and his family. I'm really looking forward to it since the last time I did a "home stay" was almost three years ago when I first moved to Japan, and even then, it was a small, three member family. I've never stayed with a five-member family, and it'll be interesting to see how they compare to mine!  

Speaking of compare.... 

I had originally left Japan because things were getting out of control for me. After moving to Osaka to be with Take, things were great for a while, but things slowly started to go down hill. I had begun letting myself go because since "I already had a guy, there was no need to keep in shape." I gained back not only the weight I had lost, but an additional 2kilos (about four pounds), cut my hair off. and basically did nothing when I should have been job hunting.  We'd fight about it constantly. He wanted to move in to a more serious relationship but I was too busy trying to cheat through my school work. Eventually, I did get disgusted with myself and found a part time job to help out around the apartment and pay for studies until I graduated. And it was some time after I graduated that I decided I needed to go home and really think things over, decide where I wanted my life to go. 

Before heading back, I returned to Tokyo to say good-bye to a lot of my friends. This is one of the last pictures taken of me before my return to the US at the beginning of the year. 


And this is the me that returned to Tokyo. Reading back on some of my entries, I feel like I've been a bit hard on myself. If I would have just looked myself in comparison to where I was instead of where I wanted to be, I'd realize that I've done--not to sound cocky--a great job. In 330 days, I was able to transform myself in to a slightly better person than I once was. There is still a lot of emotional work as well as physical work that needs to be done, but I'm not going to consider myself a failure any more. 

(Face covered because my mom had caught me with food in my mouth! lol)


I feel like I really want to stay in Tokyo instead of making a jump back to Osaka, even though I'm basically already settled there.  A lot of my friends are telling me to make the jump to Tokyo--that they'd help me out however they can. I'm worried though that that "Help you out however I can" will turn in to basically taking care of me, and that I'll slip in to my old ways....  but it's still something I'm considering. The next few weeks will have a big influence on whether or not I decide to move back to Tokyo. I feel like in Tokyo all I'd be able to do is teach English. I have a degree in business. I'd like to put that to use and in Osaka, I can do that. As much as I love my friends here, I can't just jump over for their sake. Now, I really do need to start thinking about my future. 

forever_wandering: (AMUSED)
We took a trip to a Spanish-style garden, where they had this gorgeous bell tower. It's a shame we didn't think to pack a bentou because the weather was just perfect for a picnic! We spent the day walking around the garden, feeding fish and chasing squirrels. It would have been nice to go in to the tower, but it turns out you have to have a kind of membership in order to enter, and the membership was too expensive, so we just enjoyed it from the outside. Every half-hour, the bells would ring and play a different Christmas melody. It was quite cute! 
It was built by the Dutch sometime during the 1920's in honor of the guy who had wanted to create the park in the first place. 

M and I had our first major issue, which involved me just walking away for almost two hours and not talking to him for some time after that. When I did finally talk to tell him why I had gotten angry, he only snickered and said "Oh okay," which made me mad all over again.....
Sometimes it's like talking to a wall, honestly. 
A friend of mine who is very in to gyaru, gave me a reddish-brownish wig as an early birthday present. Before we went out today, I put it on for her so she could see how it turned out and I was surprised at the difference. It really made me miss having chemically straightened hair as opposed to this wavy mess I now have. When my hair is straightened, it actually looks very much like the wig, give or take a few inches. Anyway, I think I'll be taking the wig and wearing it around Tokyo during my last few weeks of freedom before I before I begin working! Unless I start straightening my hair on a daily basis again.... I don't really want to do that though because I don't want to damage my hair. I need it to grow out so that my waves aren't so poofy....

Speaking of birthdays, mine is less than 10 days away and I've finally decided that I really don't want to do anything. I won't even buy myself a gift. Instead I'm going to save the money for my trip to Kawagoe (川越市) in Saitama.
I had gone once before, but at the time, I couldn't appreciate how beautiful historical settings were. I love going to places that make me feel like I've stepped back in time. I'd rather spoil myself in Kawagoe than spoil myself here =) I wonder if it's as nice as everyone says.


forever_wandering: (AMUSED)
I got caught up in the oddest Livejournal spat today that turned in to an attack on my personal character, which had nothing to do with the topic at hand. Maybe I should have been offended or angry or whatever, but it honestly made me laugh. Whatever happened to the days where you could discuss an opinion without it becoming personal? 

Speaking of becoming personal, I spoke to R-san and T-san (R-san's best friend and my old Japanese teacher) today. R-san apologized to me and confessed that he only booked us a single room with a king-sized bed. I laughed and told him not to worry about it but inside I'm thinking...What? T-san advised be to keep a knife handy, so I promised I'd buy myself a gun to keep R-san at bay. Honestly, I don't think he'll try anything since we have a kind of sibling relationship...But...What?! 

Ugh. That depression I get when I realize I fail at life because I studied at an all girl's university and still have close to 0 female friends, is starting to hit me again.  I wonder if I needed to attend an all-boy's school in order to make friends of the female gender...Any time I complain to one of my guys about it, they laugh and tell me there are many girls right now who would die to be in the Japanese-reverse-harem I'm stuck in. I tell them to help me find these girls so that we could be friends.... But no luck yet! 

I tried on that dress again today to see if I still felt the same way about it. I still want to lose some more weight, but now I can at least appreciate the fact that I was able to finally get in to it. All I had to do was look at pictures from how I used to look and dress to shock me back! I don't think I'll be taking it to New York though, especially now that I know R-san and I will be a little closer than I expected, and will more than likely be drinking a bit.


Today, I grabbed some job applications. I made sure they were all only seasonal jobs, since I can really only work until  October, at the latest. I'm going to fill them out tomorrow and send them off. We'll see what happens after that. I really want to save up a bit more money before going back. M-san asked twice if I'd definitely be back in December, and then asked if I had ever been skiing or snowboarding in Nagano, so I'm assuming my winter plans will include another little trip. That requires money. 

Last but not least, I tried chest binding today for the first time ever in life at a lingerie shop . It was one of those spur-of-the-moment things I thought I should try before I said I didn't like it...And I don't like it. Son of Mary Christ, why would anybody ever want to do that to themselves?! I swear if it wasn't for the fact that it was hard to breath as it was, I would have cried. Not even wearing a kimono was that painful! 

Friday! Hurry up and get here! I want to go to New York!! 

forever_wandering: (RELAXED)
Hi! This week has been exhausting, but I survived! I increased my work out to 4 miles (2 running, two power walking up-hill), and added 10 minutes of yoga. I was also a little depressed over finding out via Facebook that my sister planned a family reunion in Hawaii that I wasn't invited to, but I decided not to think about it too much. 
  I leave for New York in a few days and I still have a million things I need to do before I go. I made a long list in my schedule book. I'll start tackling the tasks tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll also be giving myself a hair conditioning treatment! My hair has been getting a lot better since I stopped using all these heating products. Sometimes, I get tempted to Chemically straighten my hair, but then I remember how damaging it is...

I also narrowed my make-up kit to five simple items! =D I'm going to go with more simple make up this time around. No fake lashes or bold colors. When M-san was here, I wore no make up at all. I felt so naked, but I liked how natural I looked in the pictures. I'm going to try to keep that look with my make up now. I'll keep the flashy make up for the club scene.


There is also a wig in my closet I need to re-style for days I don't feel like brushing my hair. Haha. Oh Jesus, am I getting that lazy? No! If Lolita girls can wear wigs when they want, so can I, damn it. 
I keep getting calls from someone in Puerto Rico. I don't know who they are but every time I answer, they say "Ei ma, que hace?" Hey girl, what'cha doing? I have a few guy friends still in Puerto Rico, but he doesn't sound like any of them, and I figured that after a week of creeping me out, they'd finally confess and laugh at me for freaking out.  I thought about blocking the number but it's almost 6 dollars a month to keep that one number blocked. That's $72.00 a year on someone I don't know...

That's money I have but don't want to spend at the moment. I just finished paying $300.00 at an evaluation center to get my transcripts from フェリス女学院, Rosemont and UAS combined. I should have done this a long time ago. I was two courses shy of completing a degree at 
フェリス女学院. I was one course shy of finishing a degree at Rosemont. Courses I took at UAS had been for fun so I never expected credit for them, but it turns out I can. Now that the three have been combined... catch this....if I take only two more courses, I can end up with two different Degrees. I guess the $300 was worth it.  I need to e-mail Ferris and arrange to take those two courses.  Even with a degree though, I don't know if I'll look for a different job once I go back. I kind of liked working at the restaurant I was at before. The pay was decent and my co-workers were tremendously kind. I'll call Kanae once I get back from NY and see what my chances are of going back to work there. Until then, I should have fun and practice my "いっらしゃいませ~”'s~! 
forever_wandering: (WONDERING)
Woke up early, read a few pages of 神様のカルテ, then cleaned my room. While cleaning, I found a Victorias Secret card with a secret amount of money on it that expires at the end of this month. I love scented lotions, so picking one for me to use on a daily basis is not a problem. However, this time around, I'd like to buy one specifically to wear with M-san this winter when we celebrate our first Christmas as friends together. He always notices what scent I'm wearing around him and always compliments me for it. I want to keep it that way. 
The first I ever used with him was Victoria Secret's strawberry spray. Two sprays was enough to make him lean in and smell my hair the first time we ever met. The second is a Raspberry/Strawberry mix. He picked up on this one right away as well, and told me I smelled delicious. Obviously, the boy loves his berry scents, so my plan is to find some kind of berry mix that doesn't have such a summery feel. Has anyone ever tried anything in a WinterBerry scent? I found that Victoria's secret has a winter scent called Winterberry, but when I look for reviews, I can't find anything.  I'm open to any suggestions anyone may have. 


★ 3 MILE RUN. 
★ 25 PUSH UPS 

I figure that if I write down my work out plan for the week, I'll feel more obligated to follow it. I'm loving the difference I'm beginning to see in the mirror. My goal is to improve overall fitness. I want to be able to run those three miles non-stop at 6.5 miles an hour. I want to be able to use weights that weigh more that a combined weight of 20 pounds. There is a marathon in May that I want to try and participate in. I'll wait until the end of this month before I make a final decision on that though. 

Time to get fit, Ladies and Gents! 





"An ugly duckling growing out of her feathers."

Hello. I'm Zia, and this is most obviously my journal. I write about my life between Japan and the US, and all the adventures I find myself in. People often say they are envious of the life I seem to live, but the truth is, I feel a little unsatisfied with it myself, so I've decided to do something about it--to find what really makes me happy. Hopefully by documenting my life, I can figure out where I need to be heading. This journal is my way of opening my world to those around me in hopes of meeting people searching for the same thing or encountering people who have already gone through this kind of struggle. 

Back in my high school days, I used to be a bit of a nerd. I was really in to comic books of all kinds, action figures...all that jazz.  These days, though my interest in comic books re-surfaces every so often, I'm very much more in to things like fashion, dance, music, travel, tea, baking, writing letters, photography, animals and fitness. I'm a straight shooter--meaning I do not (or rather, can not?) lie. Keeping up with lies is too much trouble. 

Anyway, there is more information about me on my profile. Feel free to take a look there or catch me on another site★


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